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What do you tell your dd when her friends say they're not friends anymore?

We've gone through some drama a while ago with the kids in the neighbourhood. Things have been pretty good with the girls lately with 2 exceptions. A few days ago a few of them told my dd that if she's friends with one girl then she can't play with them. She didn't want to be mean and exclude one girl and was upset. They all got over it kinda. Now the girl she stood up for is mad at her saying she's not her friend because she thinks my dd ruined something she was making. My word it's so silly but not to my dd. What would you tell your kids?
I usually try to get her to see why they might be upset with her, justified or not and explain to her that they are just saying these things because they are upset.
If they are just being mean I tell her to come home, they may not talk to her that way and she doesn't have to play with them. She tell's them they're beign mean and comes home.
I know it's not going to matter tomorrow and they'll all be friends again but it still stinks to see dd upset about these things.
I was told she was being mean one day, I talked with her and told her how it felt when it happened to her and how the other girl must be feeling.


Asked by AmandaH321 at 10:03 AM on Jun. 10, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • And so it begins... It's not your imagination, the drama has been starting at an earlier age! My dau is 9 y/o & has been dealing w/ off & on drama w/ a few girls for a while now. Like you, we talk about it, how best to handle it, how she feels about it, etc. Over time, she has been developing ways to cope w/ situations as they arise, and has been handling herself quite well! It's a part of life they will have to continue to deal with. Sometimes they go back to being friends & sometimes they dont. I think over time your dau will build up her own coping skills. Just keep the lines of communication open w/ her, & I'm sure she'll be just fine! :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:10 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Sounds like you've done what needs to be done. I hate to see my DD upset because her friends were being mean. I told her next time, just walk away, there's nothing you can do until they get over it. Of course, which will be next day or so.

    Answer by ShelbysHope76 at 10:10 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I would tell her that saying that is not a very nice thing to say and that sometimes people say that when they're upset. Just try to tell her that you're sorry her friends aren't being nice and be there for her.

    Answer by SherriPie at 1:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I let them figure it out on their own and get over it at this age. fights last 1-2 days and they are buddies again.. as you get into middle school and high school the answer changes. For now it's a simple "Are you sure?" and an "I'm sorry" later down the road we will have the longer talks about friends

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • She will not play with them if they're being mean. I told her she doesn't have to play with anyone who is not being nice to her or saying mean things. The girl came over and appologised and all is well again. I just hate seeing her sad like that because I know it's not a big deal but to her it is.
    She's also one of the youngest at 5, there is another girl who is 5 also but she has an older sister that plays with them and jumps to her defense too. Sadly my dd's brother does not care to play with all the girls usually. Ages range from 5 to 8.

    Comment by AmandaH321 (original poster) at 1:05 PM on Jun. 10, 2011