Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My BIL & SIL have just come home with their adopted son and they say that if he need s anything including his sippy that they have to be the ones to get it. Am i wrong to have my feeling hurt that it seem that I can't comfort my nephew?

She stated that only they were to comfort him when he falls, give him his sippy, give him a bath, rock him to sleep and if there was a need that was to be met only they could do it. i feel hurt by this although probably not as much as my MIl will.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I understand why. They are trying to bond with their adopted child. Let him know that he is safe in their care and that they love them. It takes time for that and needs to be focus on them (the parents) until their child finally feels at hime and safe.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • No, this is true. He needs to learn to rely on them, and know the difference between his mommy and daddy, and others who care about him. Just give them time. Once he has been with them for a little while, things will be a little different...

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 12:30 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • It is all about bonding,please don't feel that way. Congrats to them all!!!!

    Answer by dancer at 12:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • With any child coming home to their new life and family - it is vital (not odd or extreme) only the parents meet EVERY single need. Mom and dad must be the only ones to offer care. In fact, most likely you should not even be introduced for quite some weeks. And tgey should only be at home or as close to home as possible while the child adjusts. Help your MIL understand this is so the child's mental and emotional health grow stronger. After a few weeks, slowly, parents can introduce new close extended family or friends. But a very limited few. And still...for as long as possible it really should just be mom and dad providing for every single need. And it can be a LONG time. As in many many months. Not just a week or two.

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:29 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • well how old is the baby? when a child is adopted a bit older they may have problems attaching to people and your bil and sil may have been told by the adoption worker that they should provide for his every need to show him that they are his parents and will be there for him for everything. after he has bonded to them well you should be able to help out but at first it is probably best that he associate comfort and needs being met to his new parents.


    Answer by takes_a_village at 12:31 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • i can understand, but i dont blame you for having hurt feelings. mine would probably be hurt too. just be there with smiles and hugs and he will know youre there for him and love him.

    Answer by flamingomegs at 12:32 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I believe their just doing what their being told to do by the adoption agency.  Although I also think they could of explained it better to you rather than just barking out  orders and not explaining to you why. Once they've had the child for a while and the toddler refers to them as mom and dad and gets into his comfort zone their wanting him to be in you'll be able to take on your roll as the Aunt.  This is new to all of you !  Just have a little patience it will be OK.  I just understand both sides just wait a little while and they'll come around! I just think your bil/sil could of explained it to you instead of saying that to you which made you feel horrible.  Good luck and congratulations for the newest member of the family.


    Answer by tlcawley at 12:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • It's important for older adopted children to realize that they have parents who will provide for them to help strengthen bonding and build trust. When my MIL adopted a 2 year old girl they were to give her a bottle and rock her in their arms each night. Another thing they had to work on was giving and having her complete 3-step tasks (get your barbie. Put the doll in the car. Drive the car to mommy/daddy). When children dint have healthy upbringings full if live, safety and support their brains do not develop properly. It is important to respect what your brother and SIL are requesting. It's what is best for their son.

    Answer by bloomsr at 12:42 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • i agree with the other ladies, how old is he

    Answer by Kambrosino07 at 12:32 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Congratulations to them on their new family member. It sounds like they are doing absolutely everything they can to ensure the child bonds with them as soon as possible.

    Answer by meooma at 12:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2011