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She called him a little S***!

I come from a family where my father cussed whenever he droppped something or something sudden happened and my mother never cussed. We were taught that it is disrespectful. Anyways my hubby's family is not like that at all. His mother says racist jokes and cusses whenever. She has a habit of having a potty mouth around the other children in the family.

One day when we were over at her house for a bbq my son accidentally stepped on her foot and she told him the "watch where you're going you little s***!" I was horrified. My son cried. He's only 3. I grabbed my son and told my husband that I will be in the car. I closed the door to the car and I could still hear the muffled yelling of my husband. He was really yelling at his mother. She screamed something like we are not welcome at her house anymore and that she can say whatever she wants to whoever she wants. My husband said that he doesn't want his son around her anyway and we proceeded to leave.

It's been 3 months and my husband hasn't mentioned his mother or the incident since the car ride home. I feel sick when I think of that day. I know I can't change the way people are but do you think this relationship is salvagable? It is his mother. He gets along great with my family and he is the life of the party all the time makng jokes and everyone loves him. I can't help think that he might wish his family was the same. His family makes everything hard though. They are really negative people who smoke and drink around their kids. My husband and his oldest sister are the only responsible ones. She also doesn't want her kids around them and moved closer to us.

Should I ask him about what he wants to do? I just don't like seeing him upset.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Maybe have him sit down and talk with them. I would be afraid he would regret all of this after they are gone. Good luck!!!!
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 12:46 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • That's a tough situation. I'm sorry for you. I think you should definitely try to talk to him about it. Keeping it all bottled up can not be good for him or you. It may even be appropriate to seek counseling over this so that you can have a neutral party help you guys through this. I do not think it was right for your MIL to say what she said. Good for you for sticking up for your child!
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Couldn't hurt to at least see if he wants to talk about it.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 12:48 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • U need to think of your son! Stop feeling guilty! U both made the right choice! That is an unhealthly environment! All the smoking and drinking. Now your son would suffer from that! Your family comes first! U did the right thing,they will not change!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 12:49 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • You definitely should be talking about this between you two. I am shocked you haven't been.
    Your MIL reacted as she is use to and probably did not mean anything major by it. You just have not been around this and neither has your son. I would think that this is something that could be worked out. You and your husband need to talk it over and decide on how you are going to move past this.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:50 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Do what's in the best interest of your son. My dad says "duh" to my 3 1/2 yr old son when he does something wrong. It makes me madder than words can say! I say (in front of my dad and son as soon as it happens) "that's not a very nice thing to say! Grandpa is trying to be silly when you're trying really hard to ------". My dad might be offended, but I don't care. He doesn't do it anymore and I think it's bc I've called him out on it so many times. Good luck! Talk to your husband and maybe give grandma another chance. Let your son know that grandma doesn't always say nice things to people and that it isn't his fault for how she acts- try to prepare him for subsequent visits.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • If he loves his mother and family yes, he should.. You should ask him how he feels and if he wants to be a part of them again.. I say this because my hubby lost his mother a few years ago and the pain he carries with him is huge.. They had a great relationship too.. I would hate for something to happen to her and he carry this burden of not making a mends before it was too late KWIM.. If they repair the relationship, you can limit the time you and your child spend with them..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 12:53 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • It's sad that your MIL is acting this way. Some people just don't know better I guess. Best of luck with this!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:55 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Though I understand your issues here. It's really not that bad every one I know says little sh*t to a child for stuff they do that well isn't the best. Including myself. I can promise you it wont have any lasting affects on the boy. Shoot myself growing up I would've killed to have that be the name I got called by my family instead I was called SL*T.

    Now however what I see here is more of a respect issue which I would sit down and speak with them on it. Though I have called my kids little sh*t or little f*cker out of respect I would never do so to another children.

    As for the relationship being salvageable yes it can be. However I have to tell you you will have to go to his mother, He wont he defended you he wont take it back and go to her first. You will have to be the voice of reason and see what you can do. Speak to them seperately, then see if you can't get them together to group chat about it.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 12:55 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Well I guess she thinks she behaved correctly then? You don't need your kid around race bashing, cussing. etc. I would talk to your husband about how he feels about not seeing his mother, perhaps he is relieved,,,but he does not owe her an apology, and if some kind of boundaries can't be set, it is bound to happen again.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:56 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

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