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How can I get my stepson to get along with my children without looking bad to my husband?

Hi- I just recently got married in march to a wonderful man who has an 8 yr old son. He was never with the Childs mother, one of those things that happens, a very complicating situation... Anyway, I have 3 children of my own from a previous marriage, ages of mine are 16,11,and 7. My kids' dad is not in their life at all so my husband now has been so good to my children, I'm so thankful! My husbands so is only over at our house every other weekend and a little more in the summer. My problem is where he doesn't live with us full time, when he is over he tries to have all attention. Constantly telling on my children trying to get them in trouble and get his way. Always threatening to tell his dad on them. This has been going on a while I just always try to ignore or blow it off because I know my step son has a horrible life at his home away from ours. But now I've just about had enough. He's been over alot already this summer and the constant fighting and competing for attention is on my last nerve and I feel bad for my kids because he drives them crazy. Me and my husband both work so my oldest babysits for us and it's getting a little out of hand. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my husbands feelings but somethings gotta give. I'm hoping he doesn't think I'm "against" his son when I talk to him about it. I just wanted some advice on how to handle this.

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Asked by Crazy74 at 2:22 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • If his other home is so bad, can't your dh get more custody? Your dh should spend time with just his son on some weekends. Take him to the zoo or just buddy time. Try having a weekend with just dh, yourself and ss. He obviously needs to feel special. Then have weekends with the whole family.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:25 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Wow...your oldest watches your children...

    The first thing I would say...and I think your situation is different...

    The rules of the home apply to all....

    So if SS does something he is not suppose to do...he needs to be disciplined..

     I think one of the problems will be that he is not going to listen to your daughter...

    How about getting together as a family and talking about what is expected from everyone and letting the younger children

    know whom they have to listen to while mom and dad are not at home..

    In your situation..and I am a stepmom...I would seek professional councel...


    Answer by Dannee at 2:27 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Look at it from the 8 yr olds point of view. He is used to sharng his Dad with nobody. All the sudden there is a Step Mom and three new kids who get to live with HIS dad. That is a lot for an 8 yr old to deal with. Dad has got to step up here. He needs some extra attention from Dad. Dad also needs to make sure he knows he loves him BUT rules are rules and when he is there he will follow the rulkes or have a consequence just like all the other kids.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:33 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • First of all, I think that maybe you shouldn't be leaving this situation in the hands of your 16 year old so much.

    what does your husband think of the situation? if his son is indeed making things up and his dad knows it, then I suggest he deal with it as much as possible.

    If this kid is such a problem for your kids then is there a way that they can be somewhere else when he's there to visit?


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • His 8-year-old should be treated about the same as your 7-year-old. Same rules and consequences. Don't cut him a break because his mom is an a** h***. He will learn discipline and will grow up and thank you for teaching it to him.


    Answer by JSD24 at 3:37 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • What about some one on one time with just the 2 of you?

    Answer by ceciliam at 6:04 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I think its important that you sit all of the children down and go over the rules of what is expected. Once they are all on the same page, let them know what the punishment will be. So that way its not a surprise if your step son wants to break the rules he already knows what the consequence should be. If you want your blended family to work, you and your dh both have to be on the same page on whats acceptable and what is not.

    Answer by KristinRox at 7:34 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • i think some one on one time with his dad when hes there would help

    Answer by ilovemyboys84 at 9:12 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I think he needs more time with dad maybe.

    Answer by Madelaine at 9:21 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I think I would just show your husband what you wrote here. He must see for himself that things are really getting crazy and obviously he appreciates the time and patience you ALL have put into making sure his son is welcome in the family. So let him be aware of your feelings so that he can help come up with some solutions.

    Answer by slw123 at 9:51 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

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