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Marriage gone wrong.

I've been married 3 years now.We have a 2 year old son. my dh won't help out with anything. He never plays with our son, helps around the house, doesn't let me do anything. i ran to a long time friend of ours for advice. He'd always come to me for advice, and i was always there when his fiance, a friend from high school, cheated on him with 2 of his best friends. This mutual friend and I are now best friends, he knows more about me and knows me better than my husband. We ended up falling for each other. he told his family and friends about me. his mom says i'm the one. told me his eyes light up when i wlk into the room. we've talked about everything from finances to family and it all just seems to fall into place with him. we're still with our partners. the question it right to get into a relationship with the mutual friend?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I dont believe in settling. Dont cheat but you both need to end the relationships you are in befor eyou start a new one with eachother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • take 1 step at a time honey, it may sound good an all and yes i do believe that happens when the guy eyes light up but later the sparks will go away then you will be all alone again intil later on when you meet up again at some special thing. i have a guy friend that is very close to me and we are married but there are boundries that we use so are other spouses are relaxed but you need to really think on what you are doing and what is the outcome of it, i love my hubby very much but i would do anything but sexual duties for my guy friend that how much of a friend i am, i want him to come to me when he needs to talk a hug something that bothers him just enough to make him realized that i will not put my R-ship in trouble but if you want to wreak your life that is up to you but just take your time and write down what you like about him

    Answer by semiwife at 1:37 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • So ok, I'll first say The grass is always greener on the other side.

    Now with that said, if you do decide you don't want to be in your current relationship and you want to build a relationship with your mutual friend....then the first thing you must do is end your marriage FIRST! I've been in a simalar situation...You have to get your own life in order first, then start a new relationship.

    You also need to think down the road, both of you have cheated on your spouses, so you may have issues with that later...once a cheater always a cheater...that's not necessarily true, but it will enter your mind later.

    Answer by robinann5 at 1:39 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • The positive thing is, you can ALWAYS get out of a bad relationship. By seeing and "falling" for someone else, that shows that your husband is not right for you. Get out of that relationship and be alone for awhile before jumping into a new relationship, doll.

    Answer by beforeyoureyes at 1:41 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I realize the grass is always greener, and in no way was i planning to leave my current relationship for the mutual friend. Although he is who made me realize i deserved better. I'm not happy, i can't even kiss or look at my dh anymore. Nothing feels right with him. I am leaving regardless and have told him that. I'm not jumping into the other relationship.. i told the friend that i needed to get stable and make it on my own before anything. We've both tried to put these feelings aside but they keep coming back up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Always remember if they cheat with you they will cheat ON you!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 2:51 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Go scaredmommy08!!

    So, big surprise, your day to day relationship has soured and along comes a hotsy totsy to take you away from the blah....But what happens when your hotsy totsy becomes the mundane?

    IMO, you need to dance with the one who brung ya!! You married your DH for a reason - and you owe to yourself and your marriage to attempt honesty and a real reconnection.

    Adultery is not the answer.

    And how does this new & improved fellow's MOTHER know about you when he is still married as well? That smells fishy and weird.

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:53 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • My advice is... if you start your relationship off like that (sex while you're married to someone else) then you're asking for problems. Be adult about it and end the relationship you're in first (not bashing you, just being honest). It's easy for someone else to seem nicer, more understanding, more loving etc when it's not them you're aiming your bad feelings at. Always looks better when you're seeing it from the outside or other side.
    Think before you act on your feelings, but if you want out, make sure you know what you're doing before you do it.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:09 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I just refreshed and saw that you've already told your hubby you're leaving. So sad to see another marriage fail, but it's better for your hubby that you do it this way than to cheat so I'm happy for him that he can move forward and find someone that returns his love.
    But I think you're not seeing the whole picture.... you said your hubby doesn't let you do anything, but you're obviously going somewhere or you wouldn't be over at the other guy's Mom's house. I think you're just seeing what you want to see right now.
    To one of the repliers, I don't think she said the friend was married, she said that his former fiance cheated on him 2 times.
    I think a lot of women have no idea of the mess they're inching around because if you hit a custody battle, your feelings for the other guy may not look so great.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:13 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • i am going through the EXACT thing, except I did cheat and i feel guilty everyday but when im with my "friend" my world seems calm and at peace, total opposite of when im with my husband. i am planning on leaving him and i dont want to hurt him but i already am hurting him and i want him to be happy

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

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