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im 19 and married why do i feel like im not in love?

The past couple weeks i have been a complete bitch to my DH and i think its because i have fallen out of love. he tries to kiss me and be nice but i just push him away. i really want to stay with him because we have a beautiful baby. he hasnt done anything wrong i just dont feel the way i use to about him. we met last year in feburary and got married that september and i got pregnant two months later and now my baby is 4 months old. i just dont know what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:58 AM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • that moved pretty quick!
    things sometimes change after a baby.
    maybe you werent in love to begin with because you cant fall out of love that quick.
    talk to him. get to know him all over again. try to work it out and if at the end that doesnt help
    then maybe you shouldnt be together?
    MommaBear1129

    Answer by MommaBear1129 at 2:02 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Im 19 and getting married too. We have been together 2 years and our baby was born a year ago. After the baby times were tough and we didn't really get to spend all the good quality time together and were stressed from the baby. He eventually couldn't take it and took some time away from us to figure things out, but we both realized that he was the only person I ever wanted to be with and I am the only person he wants to be with. The baby can cause some stress especially when they are young and the focus from each other gets taken away because of the baby. We both went to couples counseling when he came back and the counselor told us what we needed to focus and work on. You need to talk to him, because he would want you to be honest with him and vis virsa. And if you believe you've fallen out of love even though I agree with above it was pretty quick then maybe you both are not meant to be.
    HollyRose

    Answer by HollyRose at 2:14 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • To fast and to young.........no commitment from you. Typical at your age.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • A LOT of couples run into issues after the first baby is born. It changes everything. It has only been four months and you are still adjusting. On top of that, you guys married young without knowing each other for a long time. 'Being in love' is different from 'falling in love.' I love my dh... but we have been married for ten years and together for five years before that and I don't always feel 'head over heels in love.' It's a different season in a relationship and you may need to change your expectations a little bit. If you really feel unhappy I highly recommend some form of counseling- my dh and I went to marriage counseling about five years ago and it helped enormously. Good luck!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 7:47 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • It's likely that it's just from the new baby responsibilities. People of all ages have trouble adjusting after the first and with each child there's less of you to give to your partner. Just not enough time in the day unless you're lucky enough all of your kids are on a strict schedule. I suggest letting someone watch the baby and having a date night. It's hard giving up a care free lifestyle, especially at that age, councelling might help but I think it's just something to wade thru. Look at how wonderful he is, be honest with him and go out together at least a couple of times a month and see if it improves.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:01 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I would suggest counseling. There is a reason you got married in the first place, it might just have been lost once the baby came. You should get a babysitter for a night and go out with your dh one night just you and him. I agree that being in love is different than the falling in love. If you feel it's over there is not going to be much that can change your mind. I wish you the best.
    megkel

    Answer by megkel at 8:47 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • im sorry to hear that, but sadly i also have to agree with anonymous answer:

    "To fast and to young.........no commitment from you. Typical at your age."... Some teenagers are just not mature (not sure if its the right word to use) enough to actually know what real and deep love is, much less how life together with a husband and child could be. Of course, nobody will figure that out, until actually married. But 19 is VERY young and in my opinion way to young to understand what it means to have an own family. But every person is different. You could be the complete opposite. But still, everything seemed to go too fast with you and your hubby.

    make sure you talk to him, explain him what you feel. Dont stay with him because of the baby. that wont help him, much less the baby.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 9:22 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I do agree that youre probably too young, BUT its not hopeless. First remember, that feelings are just feelings. They are not based on fact, just emotions. Then, remember that LOVE is an action, not a feeling. I married when I was 18. I loved him, but I was not in love with him. I think that at that particular age and time...it just wasn't possible. We began using LOVE as a verb and now its been almost 14 yrs and we are IN love. Its something that grows. Also hormonally, I get the same way. I just ride it out and try to remember whats fact in my life. My feelings change from day to day to day. If you truly desire to make this work, and it sounds like you do, then make a conscious choice to not only communicate with him, but love him in action. Also counseling would be great for both of you. Best wishes!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • do agree that youre probably too young, BUT its not hopeless. First remember, that feelings are just feelings. They are not based on fact, just emotions. Then, remember that LOVE is an action, not a feeling. I married when I was 18. I loved him, but I was not in love with him. I think that at that particular age and time...it just wasn't possible. We began using LOVE as a verb and now its been almost 14 yrs and we are IN love. Its something that grows. Also hormonally, I get the same way. I just ride it out and try to remember whats fact in my life. My feelings change from day to day to day. If you truly desire to make this work, and it sounds like you do, then make a conscious choice to not only communicate with him, but love him in action. Also counseling would be great for both of you. Best wishes!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:23 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • sorry for the duplicate answers. I accidently click anon and I hate anon answers...LOL...Then it wouldn't let me delete....my apologies.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:24 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

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