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Hatred

ok so I am a christian but I am struggling with anger right now. I am angry with my MIL. She was quite unkind to me when I lived with her while my hubby was on deployment. She has not apologized, I don't expect her too since she has a borderline personality. So please help me or give me some advice so that I can let this ball of anger and hatred and betrayal go!

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rhanford

Asked by rhanford at 6:15 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 16 (2,578 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Try reading the Forgiveness Project.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 6:16 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I understand she has a borderline personality, but is she not on medication for this and Im sorry but when we make mistakes we should say sorry regardless of the situation. You should have a heart to heart with her because thats not right, especially when your husband was over seas. Forgive her no matter what, but dont shove it into the excuse file with her disorder, that doesnt mean it was right.
    MissyNewMama

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 6:17 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Being a Christian does not make you inhuman without bad feelings. You need to find the forgiveness within yourself. That doesn't mean that you have to set yourself up for her to hurt you again, but it will give you a better feeling about yourself, as you will be a bigger person than her. Borderline Personality Disorder is not an excuse to be a jerk to someone. Too many people use their mental illnesses as an excuse. Just remember, it's ok to be angry, we all get angry. It's just another feeling like happy. People tend to think since it isn't a "good" feeling, that it is wrong. God gave us ALL of our feelings. Good luck!
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 6:18 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • how about -- she just plain aint worth it
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 6:19 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Having a grievance or resentment is like drinking poison and thinking it will kill your enemy. - Nelson Mandela You have to let it go or it will eat you up. Best thing to do is keep your distance from her, make your convo's short and sweet and consciously make an effort to be a better person.

    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 6:21 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • You can only be responsible for yourself, as she can only be responsible for herself. You wouldn't stay angry at a puppy who bit you or a baby who spit up on you. She has a condition that prevents her from behaving "normally", she's just behaving that way wrapped up in an adult's body. As much as you would like her to do something, you cannot expect her to do something she's not capable of doing. Chances are, whatever individual instances you're upset about, she's either forgotten or she remembers them completely differently (with her at the center and you as the aggressor), so dwelling on it isn't going to help any.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 6:21 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • yeah, I think I would write everything you are angry about on a piece of paper, drink a beer and light that piece of paper as kindling for a bon fire. Let it go girl, she ain't worth it and people with personality issues can't help it. Last but not least, cut her out of your life except for special occasions. Nothing says you have to be there daily. Once every few months is sufficient.
    Allylicious

    Answer by Allylicious at 6:22 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • My suggestion, read up on her condition so you can better understand her and where she is coming from to understand that it was NOT personally agaisnt you but a result of her condition so you can move towards forgiving her. Maybe take her out to kunch too, so she knows there are no hard feelings.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 6:40 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • You have to realize that fogiveness and letting go aren't a favor to her. You wouldn't be doing it for her, you would be doing it for you because having anger and resentment really only harms us. She's not gonna be more or less happy if you let go and/or forgive, the only one whose gonna feel better is you. So don't think of it as doing something good for her, just focus on doing it for yourself.

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 6:45 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Let it out and let it go. Say what needs to be said either outloud or write it down (but don't mail it) . Then let it go and forgive her. But anger is a natural emotion you need to deal with. Just try to do so in a constructive and non-hurtful manner.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:30 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

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