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Confused

I am so confused right now. I had been planning on an adoption with my child. I have a family picked but now it's looking like things won't work out for them to adopt. A lot of complications have arised recently.

I work at my daughter's daycare and she always asks to see this one little baby I take care of. She always wants to hug and kiss her and talk to her. It makes me feel bad. I haven't really said anything to my daughter about being pregnant or having a baby (she is 3).

I'm so confused on what to do. I was so sure that I was going to do this, and now that it looks like it won't happen (or even if it would) I just don't know anymore. I'm due in August. I don't know what to do.

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MommyNMay

Asked by MommyNMay at 10:59 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Adoption

Level 11 (549 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Maybe you're meant to keep the baby. IDK. But Best of Wishes to you! :-)
    Fantasystar

    Answer by Fantasystar at 11:03 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Thanks
    MommyNMay

    Comment by MommyNMay (original poster) at 11:12 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I don't know your situation as to why you are thinking of giving up your baby. I think anyone you would like to give your baby to adopt would be forever grateful. Little kids love babies. Everyone loves babies, but babies turn into children as you know. Maybe look into another couple and then see how that feels. I have three adopted children. No babies, older kids. Tough decision.
    3mom627

    Answer by 3mom627 at 11:22 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • Thanks 3mom627
    MommyNMay

    Comment by MommyNMay (original poster) at 11:24 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • I dont know your situation wither but maybe you should give it a try. You're still confused about it. Maybe seek an adoption counselor and ask for help on your choice.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:28 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • If you are confused do not talk to an adoption counselor .Their agenda is not to help you sort out everything including your 3 yr old's feelings .Their agenda is to press for adoption and to tell you it will all be fine.First and foremost if you have any conflicting emotions concerning adoption STOP.There is no going back once you have surrendered your child but many of the things that may have led you to adoption could be temporary.Unless your child will be in danger or you have no desire to parent her you should take your time with this.You can always place your child anytime in the 18 years after birth.You also need to know that open adoption is not enforceable no matter what is said.Take care and take your time.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 12:13 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Speaking from experience, i wish i had of given being lilray's mum a proper go. Instead i jumped head first into adoption, which is something completely irreversible. Give it a good go, and if it still doesn't feel right, then maybe consider it...................
    Find out what is available to you in your state. There are all kinds of help out there, you just have to look and swallow your pride.
    As girls above have said, i dont know your personal situation, but if you'd like someone honest to bounce some ideas off, pm me :)
    06Lilraysmom

    Answer by 06Lilraysmom at 4:45 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I don't know your situation but I can tell you that my son's birthmom has a child that she is parenting. Her older child was 3 when our son was born. The way she explained the adoption to her child was by saying that we were the baby's parents and that my belly was broken and she is carrying the baby for us. Her child seemed fine with that at the time, even came to see the baby in the hospital room, & gave the baby a gift (that we will always treasure).
    If you want more info, feel free to pm me.
    kristen308

    Answer by kristen308 at 6:44 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Perhaps the adoptive couple that you picked out were not meant to be the ones to have this child. It is unfortunate that you have been put in this position to have to reevaluate your options again. This time around maybe you can see if you want to try to parent your new baby or start to look for another adoptive family that will be able to meet your needs in a better way. I know that it makes it harder when you thought things were settled to have to start over again. Things happen in our lives all the time that we may never know the reason why, only just that they happened. I feel that no matter what you will make the right decision for you and your family. Sending ((hugs)) and support.
    adoptionjen

    Answer by adoptionjen at 1:17 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I'm an AM, if you feel that you were meant to parent your baby you should parent. Don't feel bad about changing your mind. The PAP's know that there is always a chance that a BM will choose to parent. Yes they will be sad and heartbroken but you may be too if you move forward with the adoption when in fact you really wanted to parent. Best of luck to you!
    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 1:53 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

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