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Starting to resent my son!

My ex and I have only been divorced for 2 months and were married for 14 years. I was stunned when I found out that he was having an affair. He stated that he had been unhappy for the last 10 years because I wouldn't go to a restaurant for a holiday rather than spending it with family. We would have the celebration at our home and both sides attened, so there was not an issue of anyone being left out. Our home was beautiful, clean, I worked, we both made good money, we have two wonderful children, we were intimate at a minimum of 3x per week and I cooked.

I found out that he was having an affair with an old girlfriend and that they had a 16 year old daughter together that he never mentioned. As a parting gift, he gave me a nice little STD that will never go away. Now he avoids paying his child support and I have been completly disrespected by his mistress as well. Now my son thinks she's cool and i HATE it! HELP!

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beyondbetrayed

Asked by beyondbetrayed at 11:51 PM on Jun. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • So resent your son for what your ex did? You lady have serious problems and are passing the anger to the wrong person. Your son is innocent in all this. What? He should hate her? He has nothing to do with what his father did.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:54 PM on Jun. 10, 2011

  • yeah. I'd have serious problems too if this was happening in my life.

    Do you go to family counseling with your son? How old is he? I know when I was a teenager the only way I talked to my parents was in a mediated setting. The counselors helped us all to speak clearly and made it so we couldn't misinterpret what the other was saying. Might be worth looking into to help salvage the relationship with your son (who is doing his best, this is a crappy situation for him too).

    Good luck to you, I'm sorry your husband is such a dirtbag.
    bloomsr

    Answer by bloomsr at 12:03 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I do not resent him for what his father did, but the fact that she completely disrespected me, our family and our home. My ex and this woman went through my home with a video camera and made a detailed list in which she highlighted all the items that she would like to have. She is now on her 3rd husband and has broken up 4 homes. I found porographic pictures of her posing in MY BED. She sent threatening emails to my place of employment and has allowed her first husband to believe that the 16 year old was his when it is actually my ex 's because they were having an affair on that guy too. This woman is a covitous sociopath and is not the type of individual that I care to have my son think is "cool".
    beyondbetrayed

    Comment by beyondbetrayed (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I'm Sorry that your husband did this to you & it will take time for your Heart to heal & move on with your life but, you are going to have more problems than you ever imagined if you do not change your attitude with your Son.. he is hurting too- that your family broke-up & he is probably just trying to adjust the best way he knows how- i think counseling would help you alot- Wishing you lots of luck!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 12:06 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I don't think you're a "monster" for it, but I think you know that the resentment is misplaced. I am sure they are doing everything they can to be the "cool" people...cheating, obnoxious, assholes that they are. In order for your son to "know better", you would have to disclose things that you shouldn't put on a child's shoulders. As he grows, he will understand more and more.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:08 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Bingo! I know that the resentment is displaced and I know that time will allow him to get a better grasp of the situation, but in the meantime, it is so difficult to deal with these feelings and would love some constructive advice.
    beyondbetrayed

    Comment by beyondbetrayed (original poster) at 12:12 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Wow!!! I w(uld find some help. Like ood church group for divorced women
    Autiziumom

    Answer by Autiziumom at 12:59 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • this is so terrible. ....he only thinks she's cool because he's a kid & she prob doesn't discipline him. good thing u are divorcing. if your ex was doing all of that he couldn't have been a great guy at home. u must of stayed with him because of your vows. now it's time for u to start healing.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 1:01 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I'm sorry this happened to you, but you're not the first woman that's gone through this. There's a lot of women out there that figure they have the perfect man and the perfect situation only to find out one day that it wasn't so perfect.

    as for your son, his feelings aren't about you. Take a look at a lot of the posts that have been made about children that are miserable because they aren't getting along with their parent's new so or spouse.

    I agree with a lot of the previous posts. You should probably look into counseling to deal with it all. you got hit with a major blow, so you are going to need help to deal with it all.
    I hope you get that help, for all you know your ex and the new 'cool lady' could very well go for custody of your son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I've seen a lot of posts wondering why some people are so ridiculous to suggest that married woman should consider using condoms because no one really knows 100% if the spouse has been faithful.

    here's your answer right here in this post. Trust is all wonderful and good, but you need to decide just how much you are willing to risk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

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