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Is it right to forbid my 15 yr old daughter from seeing a boy?

She has been talking to this boy for about three months now. They have already been sexually active which I was upset to hear. This boy is on probation for accessory to auto theft and recently was kicked out of the regular high school due to fighting with a teacher. My daughter continues to beg for my permission to see this boy and just can not let it go. She has centered her universe right now around him and grades are back to failing practically every subject! I am at a end road and do not know anymore what is the right thing to do about this boy. I just don't feel that he is the right boy for her to be talking to

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Asked by lfee1029 at 9:16 AM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (86)
  • Ooh, tricky one. If you forbid her, that may drive her towards him even more. You do still have some control, though, and you'll need to enforce that; primarily grades and school work. Is she being safe about sex?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • This is going on alot I wish I could help but teenagers are going to do what they want to do until something happens and slaps them in face, They will have to learn the hard way of life.
    We all want good things for our kids...but if you keep telling her not to see this boy it will only push her even more...Just pray and all will be fine I promise.
    See if you and your daughter can make plans on hanging out one weekend make it a girls day out something that will make her feel that she is a special woman and not just any man can have her. Do this once in a while with her and see what happens.GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:23 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • If it were my daughter he behind would stay in the house and would not be allowed to see this boy. She is only 15, she is not an adult. You still make the decisions. Oh, and it sounds like this young man is on the path of trouble. You don't want your daughter to follow his path. TAKE CHARGE!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • when i was in highschool my parents made me break up with this guy for lots of reasons. my parents threatened me that i'd be growned to the house if i was in contact with him. i think i was scared of my social life ending but everybodys differnt. You could at least try if you don't want to see your daughter end up with him but some teens will rebel no matter what.

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 9:30 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • good luck

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 9:30 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • i can understand your worries. But there isnt much you can do about it. if you forbid her to see him, then she will do it anyway. I wouldnt like my daugher to be around a guy like this either. But she is 15, old enough to make her own decisions. And you say they already have been sexually active. Probably her first sex, thats why she "loves" him so much. Almost every teenager is the same.

    Its up to you, allow her to see him and make her trust you and listen to you or forbid it and she will "hate" you, hide everything from you and will go see him anway. its hard, but you cant lock her in the house until she is 18

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 9:31 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Invite him in your home - have him join you for meals and on outings. You might just be able to reach him and help him change his life. Or your daughter will no longer find him appealing if mom approves and dump him.
    But as much as you want to forbid her seeing him - chances are it will just drive her closer to him.

    Still hold her accountable for the grades and stuff, take away things until the grades are up (or whatever you find works). Maybe even only allow her to see him in your home until the grades are up.

    Answer by lanckn at 9:31 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I agree with anon pp. YOU are still responsible for her choices. To have NO say in what she chooses, but be legally and financially responsible for what she does is crazy! I am in this boat too, so I am not just talking. It sounds like she could have made a better choice in character, but how about letting her see him only under the supervision of your home. Invite him over to watch a movie with your family or go places with you. That way, she is not driven to be secretive and your not wondering what shes doing every second. I hate that girls this young get drawn in so quickly and they forget about the world. Its like nothing is important but whomever they are "talking to". Also because shes been sexually active with him, she has a bond with him. When this breaks up...her fall will be harder than one who didn't sleep with him. Thats just the honest truth. Be there to catch her and pick up the pieces.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:34 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • well duh. and yes it is right for you to tell her that she can't talk to him she is only fifteen and honestly if her grades were dropping that bad she would be grounded. as for butterfly saying that it would only push her more. she wouldn't have the opportunity to see or talk to this boy. you are her mother and as long as she is underage and in your house it is your say.

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:34 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • But she is 15, old enough to make her own decisions

    This is only partially true. Fifteen yr olds are children. Not adults. They get choices only if they prove themselves worthy of being able to make good ones.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:36 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

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