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How do you rebuild after an emotional affair?

My husband cheated on me. I sent him away for a week to give myself time to think, but it's taking everything I have to not cry every minute of every day. I have to be strong for my kids, and they are way too young to understand, so I think it's better they don't know the real reason daddy isn't here.

He has been looking in to marriage counseling, but I'm not ready to talk to anyone about it. Eventually, yes, but not yet. It's still too fresh.

Can anyone give me any advice? Did you forgive and forget? How long did it take, if you did, for things to get back to good? Will the pain ever go away?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Jun. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I couldn't. I honestly tried to forgive and forget but his habits made it very hard! He would lie about work and go to the bar, he would leave the room to talk on the phone, text and then take off and visit singles sites and chatrooms because he was "bored" of being home. I filed for divorce 8 months ago after 7 years of marriage and 2 kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I am so very sorry to hear about your situation.You are obviously VERY hurt and trying to keep a strong face for your children, which I applaud. I totally understand not wanting to see or talk with dh at this time. He has killed any trust you had, and that is very difficult to restore! The painful reminders just don't go away that quickly, if at all! You may eventually get past it, but you will never forget it. It's good he is looking into counseling for you guys but it may be too soon. My suggestion is, since you are not ready to "work on the marriage together" yet, you may want to look into some one-on-one counseling for yourself! (him too). Sometimes we need to put the focus on ourselves BEFORE we put the focus on the marriage. That may help you handle marriage counseling in the future. My first husband cheated and left me while I was out of town. I attended both single and group counseling for women! It was great!!
    Lynda-Lou

    Answer by Lynda-Lou at 9:10 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I have not gone through this but I can tell you from numerous scenarios that I know of, the pain never goes away and it is difficult to get that trust back, the betrayal is too much for most and end up separating for good. I have a friend who put up with it for over 30 years, and after all that time decided to just end it once and for all, today she is in her 60's and has found a wonderful man who is committed and loves her, the love she was denied all those years was attainable. You are probably still young and able to do this yourself, counseling might help, give this a try but always keep in mind that the hurt lingers there forever.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:14 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I wouldn't.
    toughnsweet

    Answer by toughnsweet at 9:24 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Whenever anyone does anything that hurts me, I ask myself if I am perfect in every way. The answer is that I am not. I have made my share of mistakes, too, but for some reason, the mistakes of others always look worse and bigger and harder to forgive. I have found that reminding myself that I have done plenty of things that have hurt other people makes it easier for me to forgive those who hurt me. You might try this with yourself. It works for me.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:46 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • i have only "forgiven" once... it was when my husband was my boyfriend, i tried to reason it away, but it's almost 10 years and 3 children later and i still haven't really gotten over it. i don't freak out about it or anything, but i find that deep down i will never trust him. once it's broken, it's broken.
    juliness

    Answer by juliness at 10:23 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • My kids must think I have tummy troubles today. I keep running off to the bathroom to cry for 10 minutes...... What's worse is they saw a commercial for Fathers day stuff and asked me if we could go shopping for gift for daddy today. I think I might actually die of a broken heart. Not really, but it feels that way today. Thanks for the comments.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Hang in there , Sweety, I know that it is very hard because, I too have been where you are. I don't know your age, or you spiritual beliefs,but if it wasen't for God , I know that I couldn't have made it. I really CAN feel you !
    wvblj

    Answer by wvblj at 10:59 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • sorry for what u r going through Hun, PS, BE STRONG for yourself & 4 Ur kids sake.THINK & EXAMINED why he cheated on you, THINK & reason them out ur self. WHY.??? after all,its not all about the lack of love that ends or ruins the marriage, its the LACK OF friendship.& its very true. Good luck w u...♥
    inahan

    Answer by inahan at 11:06 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • so just what was it that he did exactly?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:57 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

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