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So I can't parent because I'm a stepmom?

I'm not allowed to make rules in my house and expect they be obeyed by all the kids even the step child? I had people on here tell me yesterday that it's none of my business if my teenage sd as her bf over at MY house. Which one of you wants to raise the baby if she gets pregnant?

*Edit* This is my fiance's daughter. He and I have been together for years and consider ourselves a family. The house is mine and he moved in with me. We have a son. His daughter is 14 going to be a freshman. Her body is very, very developed, but her mental/emotional maturity level doesn't match. Her mom is okay with her having a boyfriend at this age. Her father is not. Her mother had her at 16 years old and had 6 men take the paternity test. Yes people change, but I think bio mom is very immature as well. Not going to get into the dirty details. I only make rules because I care and someone needs to. Don't want to see her ruin her teen life.

 
Shanna84

Asked by Shanna84 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 24 (18,695 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Hmmm... I might be in the minority here, but if you and DH clearly consider yourselves to be together for life (some people just take their time to formalize marriage.. if they ever do) then you are her stepmom and yes you and DH definitely get to set and enforce rules in your house, as long as you do it together. But just be ready to counter the "you're not my mom" defense. Looking back, I wished my stepmom was more of a parent... even though I fought it hard (I was also a teen), I could have really used a strong, caring motherly presence.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 1:29 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • well...i think it's something you & your husband need to discuss in private & come to some kind of agreement. I definitely think you do have some say as to what goes on in your house...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:39 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • No, you're definitely allowed to make rules that have to be followed by everyone, but you & your husband should agree on those rules.

    This is so hard, esp. when there are different rules at mom's & dad's houses. And it is hard & confusing for the kid in particular.

    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Yeah I say you and dh come to an agreement on house rules and enforce them together. It is still your home.

    Some women on here don't seem to have very much common sense. Sorry I guess that is how it is.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:42 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • They were probably BMs. You absolutely can tell your SD that she can't have her BF at your house or whatever other rules you want for YOUR home.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:53 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • What was your question yesterday? Today my answer is - your house your rules. Hubs should talk to his daughter and tell her no bf stays overnight. You should tell hubs no. I'm raising 2 grandchildren.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:03 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • what?? well first let me start.. it's your house, your rules. YES hubby (bio parent) has the final say, however you as a step parent are also a guardian to the child when they are at your house. When the parents have a sitter over, the children HAVE to listen to the sitter, when at their grandparetns house they have to follow their rules, or at a friends house they have to follow their friends parents rules.. it's no different when shes' at your house either.

    I think you and DH need to sit down, and write out the rules of the house for ALL the children to follow.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:42 AM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • as a step parent there have to be rules and guidelines..you and your dh have to come to some type of agreement on rules..and if i were you i would not allow her to have her bf over..my sd is also 14 and this is a no no at my house..same situation i own the house and make the rules..but me and my dh have agreed on how things will be handled. if the dad or the bio mom think its ok for her bf to be over let her go stay at the mothers house or tell them to rent her a motel room...either way you know what she will be doing..step parents get bashed alot bc bio's dont see things the same as we do..but I feel if we are put in a position to parent then we should be allowed to fill the role..also you do not have to be married etc..to be a step parent..good luck and best wishes..stick to your guns and dont give in do what you feel and know is right
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I agree- you can have house rules that are enforced or whatever, but you have to have your DF on board with it- otherwise it's just you, trying to keep your rules alone.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:46 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Yes, you can have house rules.
    But they need to be supported by your DH. That is very important when you are both bio parents, and even so much more important since you are a step. Best case scenerio, your DH enforces that rule. If he feels his child shouldn't have to listen to that rule, that is where your issue is.
    But in a larger sense, your hands really are often tied as stepmom. I'm a stepmom of teenage children as well. DH doesn't discipline his kids at all. However, they are pretty well behaved, and it hasn't been an issue. I couldn't take it as far as grounding or punishment, but I could state the house rules and that I expect everyone to follow them.

    But uhm, this is not only YOUR house. It is your stepdaughters as well, and I don't see why you wouldn't want her to bring her boyfriend over. Does that mean your own children are not allowed to have friends over, boyfriend or not? I would think you would want them to,
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:49 AM on Jun. 11, 2011