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2 Bumps

Gay & a son with "issues".... do I say something to her?

I have a friend who is gay (married) and one of her children has "issues". Honestly I dont know what his special needs would be called, you wouldnt know to look at him or talk to him but he has some learning difficulties and some processing issues.

She is a WONDERFUL person, and a WONDERFUL mother... but lately Im starting to avoid her.

She has had to deal with discrimination for YEARS being a gay woman, being married to a woman, being a gay mother, and for the past 5 yrs has gone head to head with the schools, drs, insurance companies, and the like fighting to get the help her son needs.

All this has made her VERY sensitive... and more and more she is too quick to react... and reads WAY TOO much into simple little comments and incidents. Im finding our conversations more like her venting over every little thing that is said to her, a look, a reaction. I think it has gotten to the point that she has a skewed view of reality... reacting first as if the world is against her.

Do I point it out? How would you point it out?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Jun. 11, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Well can you blame her after being discriminated against and not receiving any help for her son? I think the real issue is what can you do as a friend to help her? She might be ultra sensative, but it's kinda understandable. Just try to be a good friend to her. That's what she needs.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 1:47 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • so she doesn't think you didn't ditch her.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:53 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Don't have a answer...but here's a BUMP!
    MamaK88

    Answer by MamaK88 at 1:45 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I'd distance myself from her. Maybe she needs to miss your friendship for a little while.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:45 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • It is okay to say, in the moment, "Sometimes when we have to fight and fight for everything, we get really sensitive because we are raw."

    We all get like that when we have battled.

    There should be no harm in pointing it out, and it might just help her address the issue to deal with it.

    Good luck!
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:49 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I dont blame her... but it is going too far the other way now.
    The last 3 times i was with her the whole time she spent complaining about someone or something.
    Who wants to hang out with someone that is complaining the WHOLE time.

    The last time I did point out that what the other child did was normal and age appropriate misbehaivor and had NOTHING to do with her son's "issues". I think THAT was the right thing to do as a friend. But it is getting very tiring to hang with her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:51 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • good point imaginationmama... thanks
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • that's a tough one.
    I do think I would tell her, but I'd be as gentle about it as possible.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • To her, the world IS out to get her. If you feel you need to distance yourself, for your own sanity, then do that. But, since she is having to deal with so much, then please try to understand. It's more then just having a lot to deal with when we are talking about a special needs kid. I'm not sure why she is having such a hard time with the schools, there are laws there. With the docs, it's possible that she is trying to find a Dx, and not having any luck. We spent 13 years with that. Not constantly, but since our son was a year old, he has seen 4 neurologists, all ran tests. The last one finally found a Dx. Although, it's only been within the past 5 yrs they could even test for it...
    Anyhow, she's not having the normal, run of the mill problems. And, she's been having them for so long, she's run down. Distancing yourself may be the best thing for you for now. But maybe you should talk with her about that...
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • good point raine
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

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