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Am i making the right decision?

Ive been dating him for 9 months now. almost 3 months in we found out i was pregnant. we've been living together since and he has a little drinking problem and he smokes cigarettes a lot. obviously being pregnant i don't drink and i never really liked cigarettes.

his drinking has gotten him in a lot of trouble before. when we first started dating he got arrested because of something he did while drunk(nothing to bad). and when he's tipsy or completely drunk he is kind of verbally abusive, and im scared he might get physical sometimes, he punches walls and hits himself when he gets really mad at me.

when he isn't drunk he's a completely different guy, he's sweet and amazing, and when we argue about anything he handles it how it should be handled and we talk it out.

we tried talking about his drinking, and he always says the same thing, he promises he'll quit or he says he'll only drink so many and only so often. but he always asks for one more beer one more beer. and he just keeps getting more bc if he asks me and i say no he get pissed or he does it anyway.

I dont really know what to do. lately he's been better but i don't think it's going to last. and our baby is due in august. i love him to death he is my world,

how can we work this out? what is a good substitution for beer?

Answer Question
 
Cassie8293

Asked by Cassie8293 at 4:48 PM on Jun. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (42 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • You need to get him into professional counseling especially with a baby on the way very soon.
    campbellb3421

    Answer by campbellb3421 at 4:52 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • he has an illness that needs to be treated or you need to leave. a verbally abusive home with a drunk for a father is no environment for a baby.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:53 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • so when the baby comes and hes drunk and doesnt feel like dealing with the baby how do you think he will handle that? if you're scared now for yourself why are you not scared for when the baby is there. i'd be scared that he would hurt the baby very bad while he is drunk or maybe even if he gets bad i'd be scared he'd kill the baby. you should leave until he can prove he will never drink again.
    CEWarsop

    Answer by CEWarsop at 4:56 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • he will not be drinking around the baby, like i said he has gotten a lot better, for me and for himself because he gets sick when he drinks.
    I just want to know how i can help him quit without pushing it on him,
    Cassie8293

    Comment by Cassie8293 (original poster) at 5:01 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • It's funny you wrote this because this is the same issues i have with my Husband except were not having a baby. When my husband works he doesn't touch Beer but on his off days he can down a 12 pack of beer in no time and if I say anything to him when he is drunk he gets all bent out of shape and of course that makes me mad.
    I tried talking to him about his benge drinking and he says he will slow down which he does for awhile then back to it. He has never been physical or mental abusive with me he just is on edge when drunk which is about once every3-4 months but he drinks every week. All I can say is if you love him you will have to put up with it. I put up with it because it isnt often and were older without children and he isn abusive at all. Your young and haven't been together long so if you walk away that might be good for you and the new baby since he hits other things and you dont want him hitting you later
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 5:18 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • most of the time i can deal with it, its just those few times where he gets out of control. i dont think he will hit me, but when he gets like tht i cant help but be a little scared. i know when hes in the right mind he would never do anything to hurt me, and he wont even yell at me because he knows it bothers me a lot. he really is an amazing guy, he just doesnt know how to control his bad habbits
    Cassie8293

    Comment by Cassie8293 (original poster) at 5:43 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Her's the thing, you DON'T know he won't hit you. You think you know, but you don't. He hasn't yet, and you are lucky. One night he may have one too many, he may have had a particularly hard day, and something may set him off. He may snap and hit you instead. And, having kids myself, a crying baby can set anyone off.
    He's an alcoholic. And you say he's gotten better lately, but that won't last. He will get worse again. Having a baby=stress. Stress=more drinking. And no, you do not have to just deal with it. You do not have to just deal with the drinking or the verbal abuse, even though it's only 'kinda verbally abusive' and only when he's drinking. Him being an amazing guy, all nice and treating you really great while NOT drinking, then hitting walls or himself, and being 'kinda verbally abusive' while drinking, that IS abuse. It can be considered mental/emotional abuse. And you do NOT have to just put up with it. That's BS.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:57 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I don't even know or understand why you would even post this no one is gonna sit here and say oh wow you have such a great guy! congrats!! no if you're scared at times that he may hit you when a baby starts crying and he's drunk it will set him off. I would have thought that since you're going to be a mom you would choice to protect your child over being with a drunk.. Really sad when women choice a guy like that over their own little baby. I really feel bad for your child.
    CEWarsop

    Answer by CEWarsop at 7:09 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • i posted it asking advice on how i can lead him away from drinking. not to ask for some lady to call me a bad mother. and im not choosing a drunk over my baby. im not stupid, my baby always comes first. to him as well. and hes not a drunk, a drunk is someone who drinks every day of their life and does nothing but drink. he rarely drinks, its only when he gets really drunk. and the last time he did that was 3 or 4 months ago. hes changing. if youre only going to shit on peoples lives you shouldnt be answering their questions. you have no right to judge anyone on here.
    Cassie8293

    Comment by Cassie8293 (original poster) at 8:31 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • no i just see when someone would rather put her life and her baby's life in danger for some guy.
    CEWarsop

    Answer by CEWarsop at 9:20 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

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