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3 Bumps

Visitation, shouldn't the visiting parent have the basics?????

My ex just took me to court for visitation. My DS is 2. My ex has really not been involved with him at all so far. Well the judge felt that because of that, he gets one day a week, Wednesday from 8 am till 12 pm. My ex expects me to pack a bag for my son (he is still in pull ups) so he thinks I am sending pull ups, a change of clothes and some toys to play with plus snacks and a car seat! My ex actually asked the judge to order this. The judge told him he is not going to order me to provide the stuff for HIS visit, that's up to me because really, he is responsible for that stuff while he has him. I mean really, he could buy one extra outfit and a package of pull ups would last months! Isn't common sense that the visiting parent provide what the child needs?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Jun. 11, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (39)
  • Anyone telling you that you should pay for everything needs to back off you shouldn't have to support his visit if he isn't willing to man up then he doesn't deserve being a dad since when should a real parent have to pay for the lazy parents visit if he can't provide for your child then he shouldn't be around him

    Answer by krissii at 5:13 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • yes, it is common sense, but a lot of people lack any.

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:57 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • It *should* be common sense...but unfortunately not everyone has common sense.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 4:58 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • I am going through divorce with girls ages 9,7, and 6 and when my husband gets them I will make him provide for them since his kids. I hope to get custody of the girls but he wants to see them and I will but will leave that up to the judge on july 6th. If you have him full time your already chipping in enough in my book. I will though send my youngest night time pull up since she wets the bed and he does not like them when I buy them.On second thought maybe I wont and then he will just have to wash the bed. lol

    Answer by momindiana at 5:00 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • A car seat can last years- some can turn into boosters. He needs to man up and buy these things. It's not that expensive. That guy has some serious whiney balls. Asking the judge to ORDER you to do it? Was he high? If I was that judge, I would have said,

    "The fact that you even asked me that makes me question your judgement and your commitment to the child. Visitation has been changed. You now have to have supervised visits with a social worker who can determine if you are able to care for the child. Buh-bye!"

    Answer by Saya at 9:02 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Honestly, I'm not clear on why anyone could say that you're being petty for this. When my neice comes to visit, I don't ask her parents to send along food and toys for her! When we visit family with our little one, they try to borrow/buy/find a pack-n-play, toys, diapers/wipes and even any clothes he might need that we don't have (like snow shoes, etc.) so we can travel easier.

    It's called taking care of your family.

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 2:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Douche bags don't always have common sense. :( Sorry.

    Answer by acurran88 at 5:01 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Honestly, no. It seems like such a waste of money for him to buy an outfit that the child will wear a handful of times (if at all) before he grows out of it again. And if you're not willing to share the items you have for your child, he shouldn't be inclined to send the clothes he purchases home with him so they get some use. I honestly don't think he see's him often enough or long enough to justify purchasing most of those items himself.

    Thankfully my SS's mom doesn't do this with us, we live out of state so we only see him a few weeks out of the year. It'd be absolutely ridiculous for us to have his own things here, he's not here often enough to justify it. Now if he had visitation EOW... then ya, he should have his own stuff.

    Answer by miss_lisa at 5:12 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • Of course he should provide the basics. He's trying to prove that he wants to be a part of his son's life but doesn't want to provide for his basic needs??


    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:48 PM on Jun. 11, 2011

  • He really should provide t he basics for your son when he has him. my son's dad provides the basics for him, sometimes i do send extra if i know my son will need it. but i don't supply everything. if your son's father needs some things for him until he can get it himself i would send it. but it would only be a few times and i would make sure to tell him that too. if he really wants to see your son, then your ex needs to step up and start providing for him. that is just my opinon. good luck with it all!

    Answer by tarakay0417 at 6:13 PM on Jun. 11, 2011