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should they punish him?

my son is two years old and I have been having a problem with getting mad because my father in law yells at my son whenever he is doing somethng he thinks is wrong .When I was little my grandparents did not live close so I never had them around to get on to me or punish me so when I tell my husband that this bothers me he says it is just because my grandparents weren't around to do it and it is ok for him to do that or spank him.When I still said something to my husbad about it he got mad and said if his parents couldn't then my couldn't either which I do not understand because they don't yell at him they use a firm voice but that is it .Am I wrong for not wanting my father in law to do anything and let us just correct our son?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (8)
  • you're right, he sould not yell at your son. my stepmom is forn w-my daughter and will give her a light spanking but my mom and dh's mom lets her do whatever she wants. he grandpaws stay back adn watch. I like the fact that my step mom is firm w-her, it doens't bother me. but your fatherin law has no right to yell at or spank your son, it's your responsibility to discipline. i don't remember my grandparents being that way w-me
    SMWOODS

    Answer by SMWOODS at 11:15 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • yes kind of you dont want your child to walk over his grandparents he needs to know that they make the rules and he must follow them when he is at there house. sounds like hes over 2 so he needs to start learning that now. Grandparents are going to have different rules then you are and he needs to learn that somethngs just wont fly over at grandpas.
    Mommy2B04

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 11:16 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • when he yells and gets mad he curses when he is yelling at him and it scares my son which is why I dont want him to do anything just let us handel it ,which in turn makes me not want to go or be around him at all but I know my son should be able to see him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • You're not wrong, but I can see your hubby's position, too. Your fil shouldn't yell, and certainly shouldn't curse and scare your son either. But, I can see what your hubby is saying too, that if his parents can't discipline your son, then neither can yours. I know you say they only use a firm voice, but the message that puts across to not only your parents and in laws, but to your son as well, is that they have to listen to your parents but not your inlaws. That will be seen as disrespectful by your inlaws, and won't be good for your son. Have you tried explaining to your fil what you'd prefer him to do (firm voice) and what he does right now scares your son? If you have or can't or whatever, if you're going to not allow him to discipline, then I agree with your hubby that your parents shouldn't either - just you and your hubby.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:41 AM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I think there is a major difference between stern in what your saying and yelling. I believe in being stern with kids but not yelling. I dont think you are wrong for feeling the way you do with how you FIL is disciplining your child. theres is no reason to yell and even worse curse in front or at your child. Grandparents are suppose to spoil their grandkids not curse at them. I do think that they have to let know whos boss but theres a pleasant way of doing that. Maybe tell your husband that you dont mind them being serious when they want your child to do something but the yelling,cusing and spkaning in NOT ok. I dont believe in spanking a child,even a little bit so if my father did that he would not be able to be alone with him...its just not ok with me. good luck. hope it gets better. your child needs to feel loved not scared!!!
    JacobsMommy05

    Answer by JacobsMommy05 at 2:09 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I don't feel that it is anyone else's place to discipline my children, especially when I am there! It's one thing to firmly remind them of the rules, but another entirely to yell at them or spank them. I would talk to your husband first and explain to him what you mean, that you don't want your FIL yelling at your child. And definately not cursing at him! If that gets you no where, maybe you could have a talk with your IL's about it. Or next time he does it, tell him 'we don't yell at him like that'. I was so fed up at one point, I finally just started taking my kids out of the room when they would start yelling. They kind  of got the hint!

    mom2XandZ

    Answer by mom2XandZ at 2:33 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Thanks that is a really good idea to jus ttake him out of the room when he starts doing it .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • i so have the same problem gotta love inlaws that think they know best..we should have a support group lol..i simply explain to my loving inlaws that its my child and ill do the punishing if they think he did something wrong they need to come let me know and ill deal with it my DS is almost 2 so hes into everything..i mostly have a problem with my 14yr old sis inlaw shes horrible with him..good luck..
    connorsmom22607

    Answer by connorsmom22607 at 10:20 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

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