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3 Bumps

Upset over MIL's relationship with husbands ex...

My new mother in law ( we got married in december and I am also pregnant with our first child ) ... prefers my husbands ex to me, and that really hurts my feelings. I also believe MIl does this on purpose because when my husband and the ex were together, MIL didnt want anything to do with her...

I came into this relationship not knowing about "their relationship" , in fact I was really hoping for a close relationship with my mother in law .. my husbands says to try to ignore it but I cant as we live RIGHT NEXT DOOR to them ( MIL & FIL ) ...

Mil spends time with her, tells her things about us ( about my pregnancy, about how I have decorated our house, etc ) ... she even threw his ex a little birthday party ( we didnt go to it ) ... she even invites her to family get to-gethers... ( like easter ) ... And even though I dont hate his ex ( i cant say I actually hate her ) ... but it just bothers me so much to be around this woman (who has slept with, my husband).. and now.. MIL has " let it slip" that the ex is still in love with him......... WHY IN THE WORLD would she tell MIL that, and why would MIL tell me that ??? It has to be on purpose...

I mean at first I liked MIL, and when we moved next door ( they owned this house and sold it to us) i was kind of excited .. I pictured walking next door and having lunch together, taking walks with the baby ( we live by country trails ).. but now I sit at home and have to see his ex over there doing those things !

Also, it is easy to see I treat my husband very well, I take care of our home, and I am so excited to be a mommy ... and yet she choses a woman who lost custody of her child- whose father is the guy she cheated on my husband with ! and my husband said she treated him really badly too and was a complete slob... But now is mother in laws new BFF...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You really just gotta ignore it. If she hated his ex until she became his ex.. She is just trying to use her to bother you. It would bug me too. But you cant say who she can have as a friend, even if it is a "fake" friendship. And unless your DH has the balls to go tell his mom to stop talking to her because HE doesnt want her around, there is nothing you can do. Remember that YOU have everything she wants. You can make him happy, you keep a clean house, you are having his baby.. YOU have what she never could. Just let it go, knowing that you have a wonderful life. And they will waste their pathetic lives talking and thinking about you.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:50 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I actually try to put on a friendly front... i am really nice and I even talk to her...but that seemed to make it worse

    My husband has even told his mom that it bugs both of us and threatend that we would move back to where my family is and she wont be aloud to be around her grandbaby if she acts like a child herself.... but that didnt even get through to her.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:03 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • She is playing a game with you, and when you threaten her, she is calling your bluff. You may need to SHOW her that her behavior will not be tolerated. Cut her out of your life, as much as you can, and let her know that you are not joking. It may need to come to not inviting her to your baby shower, and letting her know why, and telling her that she truly is not welcome at the party or in your life, unless she wants to be part of the family... Which means if her son says something bothers him, like that, she stops doing it. Period. Her son and grandchiod should be more important than that girl.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 1:20 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • My MIL invited my (now ex) husbands high school sweetheart Tonya to all the family functions. Pissed me off! I played it cool. After I divorced him, he married Tonya. Well, after 3 years they got divorced and I had to laugh. But obviously your hubby isn't going to hook back up with this girl. I would stay away, especially after the baby is born.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 1:58 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • She sounds like Marie Barone(everybody Loves Raymond) I would continue being nice ,dont let her get to you

    Answer by RobinChristine at 1:59 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I'm sorry. She sounds like my MIL. The only difference is that supposedly she likes me better than the ex. Coulda fooled me!

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 4:31 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like my MIL.....

    My husband calls her out on her behavior. She starts the alligator tears...And he tells her to stop, again calls her out, and ends the conversation.

    Answer by laird6372 at 9:53 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • wow, MIL needs to grow up. just because she likes her as a friend doesn't mean it's appropriate to be her friend!
    its not like your husband is the babys daddy! which if it was that way then i'd understand.
    look on the bright side, at least ex decided to be a little whore which is why YOU don't have to have your husband pay child support :)
    so your household is getting extra income since hubby's not the daddy all because tramp decided to cheat
    MIL must be stuck in the past and must have no friends to be disrespecting her son's wife (you) like this

    now this may sound weird, but if you befriended the ex it may help MIL realize she's not getting under your skin.
    although it IS very awkward that ex and hubby slept together, I would try to repeat that she's an EX for a reason rather than replay their old life together. anyway good luck with all of this!

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 2:05 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • You just can't explain why people are the way they are. I think I would just keep a nice distance physically and emotionally from mil. Be friendly when the time is appropriate but for the most part just nod your head and smile, I'd also would also limit all information about MY family and our plans. Let the relationship she has with the ex take its natural course. All you can do is concentrate on YOUR husband and soon to be child and as much as possible ignore mil. Good Luck.

    Answer by meooma at 2:31 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • They both (MIL & ex) are messing with you. I would kill them with kindness every time you see her and your MIL. Tell her all about the great things in your life, including the pregnancy. Eventually they will both get the picture that you are here to stay and that you are not threatened by their behavior. When the baby comes, invite mom to go on walks, and over for lunch. But I wouldn't let her in on the truly family moments until she shows a change in behavior, but leave the door open. For what ever reason she is having issues, and she is the only one who can sort them out.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 6:00 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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