Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Who lives with there SO but are not married?

this is my SO first time living with someone and his longest relationship, we have been together 10months and moved in together in april.. we have a baby on the way...
i dont want to ruin things, i kinda over saw him tell someone on fb that im up in his business... uggg i dont want him to feel this way. we live together we should be sharing the facts of where we are going / am i right? any suggestions, i dont want to ruin what seems like a good thing..

Answer Question

Asked by jenn660 at 8:08 AM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,425 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • After a year of dating, DH and I lived together for almost three years before we got married. Yes, I believe you should be considerate enough to let your SO know where you are going....probably not detailed like "going to the bank, store, gas station, post office..." but even "errands in town" would be good enough for me.

    If he feels this way after only two months of living together, I would definitely have a talk with him and get everything like this out on the table. Assure him that you aren't doing it to check up on him and remind him that you do the same for him out of courtesy. If it bothers him now, it'll bother him even more later...and once the baby comes and everyone will already be on edge, it'll bother him even worse.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 8:18 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • im hoping its just an isolated thing he doesnt say anythign like that to me just a guy friend who he barely knows that doesnt even live around us... i dont know if he just had a bad day and i pushed it , he also told that person that he likes me being here...
    im hoping its just taking getting used to??? but i really cant say much it wasnt a publicly posted conversation.. he went into the bathroom and i walked by the computer and just saw a few lines... oppps

    Comment by jenn660 (original poster) at 8:23 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • We've lived together for 2 years now.

    I do not question him about where he has been, is going, with whom. It's not my business, I'm not his mother. Likewise, he doesn't query me... Sometimes he omits important information (like appointments which should have made it to our shared calendar) but I'm not convinced that is intentional, he has a heavy workload and sometime simply forgets.

    If I can't trust him to run to the store, go play golf, take a stroll, have a drink without knowing where he is at then we have *huge* problems.

    You're very fresh in this relationship, I would honestly proceed with caution. Babies change everything.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:39 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • thanks yeah ive only asked the once , itrust him, im hoping and thinking that its just his immaturity from never living together or being with someone for along period.

    Comment by jenn660 (original poster) at 8:44 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I don't expect him to tell me exactly where he's going and for how long, but I do appreciate the courtesy of "hey, I'm going out. I'll be back in a couple of hours" and maybe a phone call if he's going to be gone quite a bit longer than he expected. Not because I want to know his business, but so that I have a timeframe after which I know that he should have been back, and if I call him and get no answer, it might be time to be concerned about his safety. I do the same for him. Of course, he's a truck driver and gone more than he's home, and when he is home, he doesn't go out a whole lot - a quick trip to the store or maybe heading to the shooting range. I don't generally worry about finding out when he'll be back because I know he won't be gone long. When he's out on the road, I never know where he is - general idea, that's all. And I'm fine with it.. I'd talk to him, just ask him how he thinks things are going.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:03 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • The woman sets the tone of her home. I would give him the consideration you want to have given back to you. We have been together 12 years. We both had long term marriages and very painful divorces. For us this works. I would give it time but do not be afraid to be honest with him. Communication is the core of your relationship. For him to be your partner, you need to share and have no fears as to verbalizing things. Just keep it logical and face things direct. Men can deal with that. Emotions and wanting them to know without telling them will not help things. Keep humor strong. It is the way to a great time together. Have fun... :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 9:15 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I live with my SO for three years now and i've been the one working and raising his kids and paying all the bills and everything while working on my masters and he's still struggling through an associates degree. He constantly complains about me, but then I remind his that he has not right to do so until he steps up and does more around the house.

    Answer by RShilling at 11:19 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Frankly, I find it odd that he was telling someone on fb that u were up in his buisness. If he has a problem, he needs to tell you, not fb. My man and I respect each other so we say we are running errands, going shopping, whatever.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 1:43 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I think he was just expressing some complicated internal conflict he is going through..... You just moved in and theres all ready a baby on the way... Im sure he thinks this is great and wants you there and wants your baby, but theres a part of himself that he is losing in all of this. He is losing freedom and the single guy lifestyle. Men tend to go through some kind of crisis when this happens. Its like a funeral/ midlife crisis. He will get through it. encourage him to share these feelings with you by not getting emotional when he does share; even if its somthing in direct conflict with what you have together. Give him space and encourage him to spend time 'hanging out' with his guy friends. Once you put his newborn child in his arms Im sure the last remnants of his former self will be willingly released. Until then try to remember that tears actually make men release fight or flight hormones, so share your feelings calmly.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 6:54 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • thank you , ms.gwen i was kinda thinking that hes been great to me lately telling me to relax and what not hes been doing the dishes and he is really good with my little man...

    Comment by jenn660 (original poster) at 8:22 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.