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4 Bumps

Sd12 is not adjusting well...

She been an only child her whole life and now dh and I are expecting. She is not happy at all. At first she cried, now she is telling everyone (except us) that she doesn't want a baby brother or sister. Our families walk on eggshells around her and I'm starting to take her sullen behavior personally. I know she's moody because of her age and before this we had a great relationship. Besides the usual having her help us get ready for the baby what can we do to help her adjust?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Jun. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Maybe she needs a few sessions with a counselor. Maybe they can help her work thru this. I bet its hard. Also maybe she needs to go to those baby care classes w/u. Good luck.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:00 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Tell her honestly how much she means to you and dad needs to do AND show this. She will adjust, but it will take time. Include her in things and maybe do things she enjoys to make her feel wanted and loved. Like manicure, going to the mall, etc. Maybe you/dad can start a new hobby with her like bowling, crafts, etc..........whatever floats her boat. And once the baby gets here make sure all these things continue and have her help with the baby just as if she was a 4 year old. GL hug
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 11:09 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • (Part 1 of my answer) Youve probably already talked 2 her 2 some degree but maybe you can take it a step further. Try asking her to sit down & write a letter (pretending 2 write 2 her best friend or someone she looks up to...or even to nobody in particular). Ask her to pour her heart out in it...the 1st part regarding the new arrival...how she feels, what she thinks of it all, what she's scared of or worried about, why she doesnt want it...etc.The next part, describing & explaining how she WANTS things to be (obviously at this point, how shes wants them to be without a new baby). Sometimes it's alot easier to express yourself in writing than it is in person. While she's writing her letter, you & dad can write one also. Maybe the first part to nobody in particular, just expressing your wants, hopes & desires on paper. The next part... (Im out of room to write, so I'll continue in another answer...sorry its so lon
    goingcrazywith5

    Answer by goingcrazywith5 at 8:03 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • (Part 2 of my answer)...write 2 her directly...what she means 2 you, how you feel about having a new baby & how you want 2 help her feel that way too. Give her examples of how the baby can (& how you want it 2) bring yall closer together & be a positive thing. Pour your heart into it. When ya'll are done, take her 2 breakfast or lunch & then shopping or something. Bring the letters, read & discuss them while yall are sitting down together (preferably without interruptions). Make this a special time between the 2 of you & REALLY pay close attention 2 her letter, thoughts & opinions. After reading it & talking, disucss how you can help her deal with those feelings & emotions. Really show her not just in words, but with your actions that what shes going through matters to you & you WANT to help her. Let her know its natural & normal. Go the extra mile to make her feel special & important every day. Hope this helps & good luck :-)
    goingcrazywith5

    Answer by goingcrazywith5 at 8:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Cont. from part 2 - talk about what she wrote regarding how she "wants" things to be. Help her to understand & give her examples of how yall can help each other to make sure things can still be the way she wants them...even with the baby. Let her know (& be willing to follow through) that you will pay attention, be aware & do everything you can to make sure things are as close to the way she wants them to be as possible after the new baby arrives. Let her know too, that she can come to you & talk about how she's feeling at any time. Be open & really listen to her if she does come to you. I let my kids know that they can tell me exactly how they really feel in a situation (even when its negative about me), as long as they approach it the right way & they are polite & respectful in what they are saying.
    goingcrazywith5

    Answer by goingcrazywith5 at 8:15 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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