Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should he be more involved?

I am currently raising my boyfriends three other children without help. Also I am pregnant with his fourth child. He refuses to go to the doctor with me, look at the ultrasound pictures or even hear how the appointments went because he had a dream that I would die giving birth to a child before I was even pregnant. I'm excited about this baby, esp since I had cancer last year and the dr said I would never get pregnant without hormone fertility treatments. I don't know what to do!!

Answer Question

Asked by RShilling at 10:56 AM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 17 (3,920 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Sounds like he's scared. My DH was terrified that I would die in childbirth every single time.

    But yes, he should be more involved. Why isn't he involved in the raising of the three children he already has?

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like he has some fears that need to be discussed with a doctor. I would ask him to go with you to talk to your ob/gyn separately from a regular appointment. Like just a one on one with the doctor to discuss concerns & fears. Or I would suggest going to a counselor.

    Answer by Vix920 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • He always has excuses for not doing things, like being in school, he's finally getting his associates degree and i'm in grad school so i don't let that one slide too much. AS for not going to the doctor to talk to him, he just started a job after not working for two years, and is worried that if he takes time off he'll get reprimanded and I already told him I will not work two jobs for him anymore.

    Comment by RShilling (original poster) at 11:09 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Well.. the fact he has nothing to do with his 3 kids is a red flag... the way he treats you about the pregnancy is not OK. He is being a big child. He should grow up. You may want to find a new boy friend or try being single. It'd be easier then what you do now. He sounds like he is barely one step above those lazy guys who live with Mommy and have Mommy cook and clean for them. He may have moved out but he got himself a new Mommy, with benefits! You sure you should be having more kids with THIS guy? You may want to look into your self worth and find someone who actually is worthy of you.

    Answer by Eko at 11:18 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • hunn !!! just be patient .. he just too scared i think and he's kind of superstitious man ...u'll see he's attitude once u'll hv a baby ... he will be happy double way ;) courage !!

    Answer by caramelH at 11:36 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • i thimk just leve it to god only god will help you! good luck!

    Answer by fannylu2 at 11:39 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Counseling.
    He sounds like he expects you/others to do everything for him.

    What does he do to cover responsibilities around there?

    Answer by doulala at 11:53 AM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I suggest counceling for him to help get those fears under control if they are indeed real fears and not excuses to be lazy and not involved. Your raising his kids and your pregnant with his fourth, his ass needs to get it into gear and get involved or you need to think long and hard about EVERYTHING, not saying what, just EVERYTHING. Thats wrong of him...and if my guy did that, I would tell him to kick rocks until he could make time for his kids and a few appointments and to get up the courage to ask a few questions about whats going on with his kid inside me.

    Answer by MissyNewMama at 12:48 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like a cop out because he doesn't want to be bothered. Tell him you had the same dream, only this time it was about him biting the big one because he wouldn't step up and be a man. Unless you're planning on raising him too, tell him he's either all in or all out, you don't need a fence-sitter.

    Answer by LoriSnyder at 2:12 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.