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2 Bumps

My ex's wife says I am being selfish for not giving her girls my girls hand me downs.

My ex's wife has 2 girls ages 4 and 6. I have 2 girls ages almost 10 and almost 8. I also have a son (from my current marriage who is 3 and another son on the way). Well since my sister had her girls who are 8 and 7, I have been giving her girls my girls hand me downs then in turn, she gives me hand me downs from her son who is 5. Well my ex's wife feels that I should be giving my girls clothes to her girls because "they are sisters and should share" first of all, the are STEP sisters, she just married my ex a year ago and my girls almost never see her girls because the one weekend a month my girls go there, her girls are with their dad, so it's not like they are even close. Anyway, my ex demanded that I give them the hand me downs because "he pays child support so he helps buy the clothes", really he only pays $395 a month for 2 girls and that barely covers their activities. He also says that my sister can afford to buy her kids clothes and his wife can't so her girls should get them. Am I wrong in feeling that I should give to my sister who 1. I have always done this for and 2 gives me clothes for my son (and there is enough for my new baby too)? I get some ex's are close and might help each other like this (and if I didn't have anyone else to give the hand me downs, I probably would give them to the girls) but should it be expected?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • Split the clothes up among all the children
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:18 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Your ex is being unreasonable. You are not obligated to do ANYTHING for them.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:20 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • But it's not really fair to tell my sister that I am only giving my nieces half of what I used to give so that I can give my ex's wife's kids some, plus my sister and I trade, she gives me boy clothes and I give her girl clothes. I did offer to ask my sister for the clothes back when my nieces are done with them (since they are older then my ex's wife's kids) but she said it's not fair because then her girls would get them after 4 girls have already been through them (admittedly, they won't be in the best of shape) but I'm still not seeing how I owe her anything......
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:22 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • 395 for 2 girls barely coverstheir share of housing and food. He is being ridiculous. You are under no obligation to give them jack. The arrangement with your sisters benefits you both. His arrangemnet only benmefits him. If her girls need clothes should should talk to HER ex. Frankly, I'd give them to good will before I would give them to some jerk who demands it.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:25 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Nope, not expected. Nor should you. Sounds like you have a system set up with your system that benefits you both, I would stick with that. You don't owe her anything.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 2:35 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Doing for kindness yes but to be demanded to? I would keep reciepts on what you spend his child support on and show him.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:38 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I'm so confused. You and your ex have 2 girls that are 9/10 and 7/8. Your ex's new wife had 2 girls that are 4 and 6. Your sister has 2 girls that are 8 and 7. Your sister has a boy that's 5. You have a boy that's 3 and expecting another. You and your sister have been doing a mutually beneficial clothes swap, and now the new wife wants you to stop that so she can be cheap and greedy?

    Nope, sorry, do not pass go, do not collect $200, you don't owe your ex anything, nor those girls from a previous marriage. That seems pretty rude to demand the clothes fro you.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:47 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • This is the only issue---YOU can give YOUR hand me downs to anyone YOU want to. I'd be giving them to my sister. I wouldn't even for the briefest of moments let my ex's wife give me any instructions about anything.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:01 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Don't give your ex anything. He's being cheap by not wanting to buy his step kids clothes. Keep on exchanging clothes with your sister. Tell him to go shop at garage sales.
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 3:57 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • if u payed for the clothes, u should b able 2 do whatever u want with them. and as your "ex" she is obligated to pay for her own clothes... thats silly for her to tell u what to do.
    sarahlu

    Answer by sarahlu at 4:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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