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Attached mother to husband, how do I fix this?

My husbands mother won't allow her kids to grow up. She took them all out of school in the 5th grade and homeschooled them for a week and then stopped. So my husband stopped school at a very young age along with his older brother who was taken out at the 6th grade. She has a 35yr old son who is married with a kid who lives with her. A 24 year old who lives with her who works part time and she cleans his room and does everything for him and the 35 yr old. My husband he is 22 and wants to move out he moved states to get away from them but they followed. The minute we said that we where going to move out she started hating me!! They all say I am taking her son away from him and her grandson because we don't love her anymore. He went in for a very very good job and when he went in for the interview she told him that she hopes he does not get it because then she knows he can move out. She will not allow anyone around his son and his son does not act right. He cries 24/7 and I took him to the park (for the first time) (hes 2) and he did not know what to do. He just did the same things over and over again for 2days straight and then finally started doing stuff and acting normal. The only time this kid gets out is when ever he can get his son away from his mother, or when I can, or if she takes him to the stor. (Thats all he really has done in 2 years.) They only buy crappy food and live in FILTH! There is mold in the kitchen, bugs in the fridge, trash everywhere, and no air conditioner! I made my husband buy me my own kitchen in our room so I do not have to eat in the bugs. She texts him 24/7 even if he is just in the other room and he will only answer in one words trying to just get her to leave him alone for a minute and she wont stop or will start talking about how much he hates her... Now she wants to get his son every weekend (to let him eat candy every morning- he has all 5 front teeth pulled out because they where complelty rotten) and I just do not understand the FILTH they can live in (my husband hates it and so does my son) and how she can be so attached. How can I fix this? What is her problem? Is it because she does not want to let her kids go because she hates her husband and they only stayed together because of the kids. She does nothing for her self at all. Is she scared to be alone and stuck with him? It's not hurting out relationship at all, but it is making it where I am more moody, we move out in a week...


Asked by kat_tastorphy at 4:50 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • google "golden uterus syndrome" that explains your MIL issues. Nothing you can do to change her. The best thing your man can do is get away from her and assert his independance. She of course will hate him for it, but he has to put his family first. Goodluck dear, you really stepped into it with this one!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 6:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Run and Run fast, sooner or later it will affect your lives she needs to get a life and let her children grow up. It's so sad her children don't have a proper education and it's all her fault.
    Move out raise your children and teach them cleaness and let them go to school and aquire social skills and hopefully your husband will get a good job so you can move.
    I couldn't live like that.

    Answer by dusty1962 at 4:59 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • It's possible that once you move, his son will, in time, decide it's better. He's got to feel better in a clean home, and with better food. It's proven that with healthier food, you feel better. As for the grandmother, she has no legal rights. Sounds like your hubby has some guilt, but, that should lessen in time. His mothers hold on him is not as great as with the others. He is willing and happy to be getting out of there now. With a supporting wife, he will be happier. His son needs some therapy. Seriously.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 5:50 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Have you talked to your husband about the past? I wonder if something big happened all of those years ago when she pulled them from school. If so maybe he can convince her it's time for some counseling.

    I think the only thing you can absolutely do is get your family out of there and not go back. Start inviting his brothers and nephew over for a BBQ or somethign here and there. Kind of lure them into the light. LOL Good luck...

    Answer by Jessica157 at 5:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Its bad, he has the new job and we have already paid the town homes we are moving into. I am going crazy untill then... I am so stressed and moody that everything anyone does upsets me and irritates me. I do not see why we HAVE to give her Landon every weekend... She does not even have those days off except Sunday, I tried to tell her to just get him on her days off and then bring him back but she refuses and starts crying and making him feel bad... The one thing she has done good is that her sons are very sweet, except for the 24yr old who just stays locked in his room and does not talk to anyone he never has even had a girlfriend before. The problem with the boys is they let every girl walk all around them. Her 35 yr old sons wife is sooo mean to him she plays on the computer all day while she makes him take care of there baby. No one likes her in this house at all... Except for the mother who fakes it cuz they will stay.

    Comment by kat_tastorphy (original poster) at 5:04 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Is Landon your son? If here were mine he wouldn't be going over.

    Answer by Jessica157 at 5:06 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • The only thing that I can pin point when it all started going like this is when he was little his father cheated on his mother. She grabbed the kids to leave and they started crying not wanting to leave there dad. So she told him she will stay with him but just for the kids. So he has had a stroke and can not remember anything. They hate each other. I think she is so scared to be alone so she is being selfish. She does not take showers, or do her hair. The reason she lives in filth with the bugs IDK she always has so my husband says.

    Comment by kat_tastorphy (original poster) at 5:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • No he is my husbands we both have kids from past marrages, His ex wife cheated and left him with Landon. My ex husband beat me and my son and left us on the side of highway. Jeremy is the best husband ever so sweet and really just wants to make me happy... But his mother too. His mom told him that we where always going to live together on a big piece of land. I threw a fit about it and I stopped and asked Jeremy what he wanted to do? He said no one has ever asked him that question before that he wants his own place that his mom just told him that is what they all where going to do. Landon will not have nothing to do with no one when she is here... Not his father not me not my son he cries 24/7 when she is around. My son will not go near her and my husband wont let my son because my son is always in trouble down there when it is Landon who does something wrong and gets babyed

    Comment by kat_tastorphy (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • If there are filth and bugs, then why did you and your son move into the house in the first place?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I was in a bad place with a mean boyfriend and lets just say my husband came to the rescue, and I did not know it was this bad at all. We will be out soon thank goodness even my husband is so exceited and can not wait. lol

    Comment by kat_tastorphy (original poster) at 5:16 PM on Jun. 12, 2011