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So MIL wants to watch DD while i give birth and the entire time i am in the hospital...........i feel WW3 coming

My MIL is very controlling and when she did visit she always undermined DH and i when we do anything for DD (If DD gets tired and we lay her down she wakes her up and says she's not tired she can sleep when i leave.....which could be 6 -9 hours later) this woman hasn't been in my DD's life since she was 3 months old (DD will be 9 months on the 23rd) and this is by her own choice she comes to our town sometimes twice a week and will not come see DD because she hates me (her ideal life would be her visiting whenever she wants.....as long as i leave and don't show my face in my home until she leaves or my husband can bring DD to her home but i will stay home) well that doesn't work for DH and I we are a family you see us as a family....back to the point she doesn't know my DD and expects us to let her take DD for 3 days while i recover from the C-section and doesn't understand why we have said no repeatedly and is furious that my Mother is watching her the first day then DH will watch her at night and my mother will watch her during the day when she isn't brought to the hospital......am i right to not leave my daughter with someone who doesn't know my daughter and my daughter doesn't know please i need advice on how to handle this my DH is getting a major guilt trip from MIL saying he is ruining her life by allowing me to keep her Granddaughter away from her by keeping her second chance at being a mother to another daughter away.....

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krissii

Asked by krissii at 6:41 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,127 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You should let her babysit for at least one day. Regardless, she'll always be her grandma & no matter how much you don't like her...your daughter will lover her & it would be best for your child if you let them love each other & have a relationship. It might be good for everyone if she takes her off your hands for one day.

    Let her know that your mother will be there to help, but that you wouldn't mind if she took her for one day. I think that's fair & i think everyone could be happy with that. Compromising is always a good thing....

    Also, your DD has a right to get to know her grandma better. She'll be OK...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:52 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • stick to you guns and leave her with your mother!!!

    This women will make your life miserable and she better now that you are in charge not her!!
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 6:54 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • U are not being unfair. Your mil needs to realize you get more bees with honey. Obviously if she's going to hate you, forget seeing your kid.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 7:01 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • My MIL's idea of safety is holding a baby in her lap in a car giving milk to a baby who is lactose intolerant because formula stinks not to mention she is a pill popper so leaving her with my child is never an option she has never even changed a diaper for her because they are gross i don't think my daughters life will be better knowing a woman who hates her mother and treats her father like trash
    krissii

    Comment by krissii (original poster) at 7:06 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I think you are making the right choice, the c-section will be difficult enough, you don't need to have that added stress in the back of your mind on top of it.
    momov4kids

    Answer by momov4kids at 7:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I agree with gammie, stick to your guns!!!, I'm sorry but if my MIL doesn't like me & treats me the way she treats you not wanting me around her & not wanting to come to my house to see my child unless I'm not there then screw her!!!, a true grandmother wouldn't care if your there or not what would be important is to go & see their grandchild. Besides since she is not in your DD life as much because of her ignorance with you then she shouldn't be allowed to stay with the baby because the baby doesn't know her & she will be scared & feel strange she will cry  a lot so don't put your little princess in that situation. What your MIL needs to do is start to be in her grandchild's life a little more & win her until your DD gets use to her. GL!

    VanillaBlondie8

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 7:11 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Maybe she was trying to extend an olive branch to you by offering. I don't know why she is upset if no one got upset with her, because it up to you and your DH where your daughter stays. I'd be civil with her and politebut ignore any drama she wants to create.  Enjoy the birth of your new baby don't dwell on your MIL, make a decision with your DH and let it go.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:16 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • definitely stick to your guns mommma. tell hubby that MIL is guilt tripping him and make sure to reinforce to him CLEARLY that what you both are doing is in the best interest of the baby. I don't know how your husband handles it when you talk smack about his mother, but maybe in a .. non-bitchy way, say something about her manipulation in a way that might make him see the light about her behavior.
    mhaney03

    Answer by mhaney03 at 7:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't leave my kid with anyone who hated me. Even it was my husband's own mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • What does your husband think? He would know her best... is he upset that your daughter doesn't have a relationship with his mother? That would be my only concern, if he doesn't care or doesn't think it is a good idea then you definitely have your answer. Be certain your feelings are not just out of spite... you aren't just doing this to make a point. Otherwise, if you do not feel safe having your daughter there, then you can't leave her.
    HistoryMamaX3

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 8:56 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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