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UP DATE ON 18 year old daughter in jail (Monday's question)

I found out by a friend by daughter was arristed. Daughter has not contacted us to date. My husband and I decided to let her say in jail for a few days to teach her a lesson. I called an inmate information hot line got a booking number for my daughter, found out she had been arristed for vandilazim and there was a $20,000 bail for her. I was told to call later for an update I called on Wednesday to learn she had court on Tuesday and was released. My husband and I are going togo over house rules and what we expect from her when she returnes. Such as finishing high school she is a senior, get a part time job, we understand she is 18 and needs her "freedom" but as far as I am concerned she needs less freedom more guidence. It's not okay for her to come and go as she wishes. HELP!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • i dont know that id say anything to her just yet. she obviously didnt call you to "bail" her out of her mess. she handled it on her own, so let her continue. She messed up as a child would do, but as adult she is handling it as she should. i think she is smart enough to see what she did was wrong & you should at least respect the fact that she is trying to do the grown up thing and rectify it as an adult. Be proud of her. dont say a thing, let her figure it out. if you jump in to soon, you just might spoil the lesson just learned. Im sure she mostly to scared to tell you. let it stay that way for a little while, let her worry thru it. she will learn a very valuable lesson. if theres a second time blast with both barrels, dont hold nothing back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • OMG I'M SOOO EXCITED TO HEAR THAT!!! My bro. has a warrant out for something stupid and i so hate the fact that my mom harbored him when they came to get him!!! I'm proud that you didn't bail her out!!! She's 18 and lives in your house she needs to know rules will be enforced and she can have her own rules when she gets her own place!!! I had curfew and all kinds of rules like after became defiant or stopped contributing to the house be doing chores i had to start paying $100 or something towards rent. or i had to provide my own food so ya! GO MAMA!!!

    Answer by watersgirls at 2:13 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Sounds like she definitely needs guidance and a "big stick" as FDR would say. Good job mama, God bless you and your daughter... I hope things get better for you all!

    Answer by sfwilson at 2:42 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Im 23 now but when I was your daughters age my mom didn't have strict rules and if she ever tried to ground me or take things away like seeing my boy friend or something, she would always give in the next day. She never wanted me to have a job cause she wanted me to focus on school but there's two reasons why I feel like she failed me.... for one, she was not involved as a parent and two, she was very weak when it came to disciplining me. My mom does have 3 other children so I know she had her hands full but dont have kids if you cant keep up with them and be there for them. Now she has completely given up cause I have a 14 yr old sister thats about to go to jail cause she skips shcool all the time and a 19 yr old brother who's on drugs now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Continued... My moms been married 3 times so its been really tough for all us. My older sister who's 27 is an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills and has 2 children who basically take care of each other and then there's me who went through 3 months on drugs when I was 17 and then once my family found out about it, I was so ashamed of myself and imbarresed that I never pick up a drug again. I grew up allot that day and now I have been married for almost 4 yrs and have a beautiful little boy. I just think every thing would have been different for my brothers and sister if we would have actually had a real mom and dad that would have acted like parents towards us and not as our friend. It sounds like you are doing the right thing and I really hope your daughter straightens up. Good luck and stand by your word, she needs a parent and not a friend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • i hate nosey parents like u

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • Yes, it's time to put your foot down when she does come home.. I wish you luck

    Answer by louise2 at 5:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I do not think there is anything wrong with putting some house rules down. Your house, your rules. She is 18 and can opt to stay or not. I do not think that expecting her to either be in school full time with passing grades or working a full time job and paying for her bedroom and food is asking to much. You are not asking anymore from her then what a border would be expected. Life is tough she has no idea of how easy she could have it.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 2:52 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • to the person who posted at 3:04..... maybe someday you'll have to be a nosey parent because your kids are doing something wrong. It will probably be ok then, huh ?

    to the original poster...good luck with your daughter.

    Answer by summerdayz at 7:16 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • Don't push to hard it won't help. If shes 18 and she lives at home and you force rules on her... she'll just leave and then who knows who she'll stay with. I was that child but from a much younger start. My savior... my older brother because he told me when I was wrong and he was dissappointed in me but he never acted mad at me he just told me straight up... you got a drinking ticket and that pisses me off... your dumb now lets hang out. He didn't push me but he cared... he let me be me but still wanted the best for me... he didn't try to mold me into something. It worked perfect for me. I started making better choices on my own.

    Answer by dtetz at 2:47 PM on Dec. 21, 2008