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2 Bumps

My 15 year old son got a girl pregnant

And I am ready to step up and help however I can. The girl is also 15 and they both just finished Freshman year of high school. She will have the baby probably over Christmas break. Now, me and my DH have talked to her parents and we all agree that the kids need to stay in school, yes, it will mean us supporting them for a few years (which we would have done anyway, it's just now, we are also supporting the baby). What I don't get is why so many people in my life are trying to help me and my son get out of helping the way we should. Maybe it's because I was a teen mom (I had him at 18) but I just feel like why would anyone want to get out of helping with their child or grandchild???? I also have people telling me my son should get the baby in our house half time (what kind of person takes a newborn from their mother half the time???? We have worked it out (all 6 of us, her parents, us and the kids) that the kids (both my son and the girl) will stay with us EOW with the baby and I will keep the baby 5 days a week while the kids are in school (I am the only parent who stays at home). On top of that, we will buy all the clothing, diapers, wipes and things like that since the baby will live primarily with them. The baby will also be on our health insurance since we can put grandchildren on ours and her parents can't. We agree that no money should change hands. I know legally, they could go after me and my DH for child support based on our income but we all feel this is a better plan. Now I have seen women on here complaining that their son's got a girl pregnant that they will NOT be paying child support or helping anymore then they feel like helping (meaning that the girls parents have to shoulder everything). What would you do in this situation?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • I'd do what you're doing, and I think it's awesome for everyone that you've been able to collaborate with the girl and her parents as well and come up with a really good equitable plan. *hugs*
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 8:25 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • My kids are so young it's hard to imagine what I would do in your situation...but I wanted to say kudos to you for stepping up and wanting to help out as much as possible! Both of the kids were responsible for this new life and I'm glad to see the Dad's family stepping up too!
    cdecker83

    Answer by cdecker83 at 8:26 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Wow, I have to commend you for helping out! That's amazing. While, yes, I would be horribly upset by the situation, I would do my best to try to do the same you have. Its amazing that both sets of parents, and kids, have come to an arrangement like this! There's no sense in going after child support if both sets are willing to do their part.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:27 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • my gosh this world has gotten crazy but i have no room to talk im 19 and pregnant and my mom was 19 when she had her first kid
    destiny269

    Answer by destiny269 at 8:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I agree with what you are doing. I am sad for you but also happy you wil be a part of your grandchilds life.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:30 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I would want to get everything legal done. Including child support. You never know, five years from now the mom could go back to the babies birth to collect child support. Without legal payments no matter what you do, it'll be considered gifts in court.
    Never know, what will happen year from now. Better safe then sorry.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:31 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Something similar to what you're doing... But I would expect them to have jobs. Hell, by the time I was 15 I had been working full time for 4 years, and I didn't have a kid. So yeah, they would def. be getting jobs and paying for as much as they can, or their wage would go towards a college fund or something...

    Just a note to you though - get your agreement in writing & notarized! Just to protect everyone involved.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:33 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • We have gotten this all in writing (to protect everyone) and it says that she gives up the right to child support while we are doing all of this. I feel kinda like I got the best end of the deal cause I get to spend the most amount of time with the baby! However, her mom is going to watch the baby most Wednesdays because she is off that day. My son has a job, she is not getting one because no one is going to hire a 15 year old pregnant girl plus once the baby is born, she is the one who is gonna be up with the baby at night during the week (my son offered to sleep over there during the week to help but we all feel it would be better for him to have a job to help with the extras the baby needs.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:39 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I agree 100% with you! I have happy that you didn't abandon your son and his girlfriend and their child. I got pregnant with twins 2 weeks after turning 20 and I was going crazy. I thought about having an abortion because I didn't want to upset my parents. With this much support your son, the baby, and his girlfriend will THRIVE! They will become active and important members of society...they will make something of themselves!

    I remember when I got pregnant, I was starting my teaching program in college and I had TONS of people tell me I needed to drop out and move back in with my parents...my parents helped us out A LOT but I never moved back that wasn't best for our future.

    I also went to highschool with a couple that the girl was 15 and the boy was 16 when they got pregnant...they stayed in school and are now both at LSU and are about to graduate next year for the guy and the next year for the girl
    newmom2bgtwins

    Answer by newmom2bgtwins at 8:51 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I think the way your handling it is wonderful... Everyone always wants to do the selfish thing... I want more time, I want more money or vice versa. But it sounds to me like your all pulling together to do the right thing by your children and this new baby. The only piece of advice I would like to offer is, When things go bad between the kids because their tired and stressed you as grandparents need to make sure you dont take sides or get in the middle and keep the best interest of the baby priority. I was a young mother ( 18) and my sons father and I had a rough first few years that utlimatly ended up in court with a paternity test... push comes to shove and tens years later my son has a enormous family that all loves him. His fathers mother is so close to that she is like another mom... she was at my wedding and loves my son with DH. She goes to lunch and things with my grandmother and mother. His grandfather and father....
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 9:05 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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