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2 Bumps

Do I keep trying...

My boy's dad and i recently broke up and he went 2 mnths without seeing them or evevn talking to me. he says its too hard to see me which means he cant see them! he has seen them for 2hrs the last 3 mnths. and only by me bugging him to come over. then he wants to come over and have sex, but cant make time to see his kids or take them or spend any time with them because he says he has no time and would rather be making $$... do i just leave him alone and wait for him to decided to be in their lives...oh n just because he wants the sex DOESN'T mean i give it to him! lol i think some people misunderstood

Answer Question
 
JAZ_MOMMY2

Asked by JAZ_MOMMY2 at 8:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (84 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • YES!!! The worst thing you can do for your kids is to force thier father to be in their lives...it will back fire and they will get hurt! know it's hard,but just remember you are doing what is best for them!
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 8:32 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I am trying to remember that it just gets hard sometimes. they r 3 and 2 and they always talk about him and about seeing him or going "bye-bye" with him. I dont even know what to tell them because i know it wont happen!
    JAZ_MOMMY2

    Comment by JAZ_MOMMY2 (original poster) at 8:35 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Stop bugging him about visitation. Stop the headache.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:35 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Tell them he is at work.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • I agree with happymama. Just wait for him to say, "I want to see them." If he tries to take you to court, tell the judge he's welcome to come visit his boys whenever he has the time, but he keeps telling you he doesn't have the time to. As long as he knows he is welcome to come visit, it is all on him, so don't push it.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:36 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Backing up happymama on this one. You can't force someone to be responsible. Better they not have a dad present then one that disappoints and hurts them on a regular basis. Your heart is in the right place, he needs to want to work it out. Also, don't let him use you for sex, take only what you want. Stop making it easy for him. Best wishes.
    chgomom

    Answer by chgomom at 8:37 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Totally agree with happymama02 I forced my ex to be in the kids lives. They did suffer a few years but have not seen him in over two years,
    And don't let him use you gor sex, your better then that.
    My kids have accepted their fate where theory father is concerned. And they are healthy happy kids.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:39 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • There will come a time they will stop asking and forget about him...I know that sounds awful,but it's the truth. When they do ask either change the subject...oh look what's on tv or how about we read a book..whatever...or lie and tell them he's busy. aslo if he does decide to be apart of there lives after a while...it needs to be on a regualr basis not when it's convinent...meaning he goes a month or more in between visits...it will get easier I promise! If you let him back around for sex...we have needs to I know...it will be hard...you can find a guy for that...or even a toy...I made that mistake with my ex and it kept his hopes up that we would get back together. GL and stay strong for you boys!!!
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 8:49 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • if you have to force the father to be in his boys lives that he really care that much for them in the first place? think about it, if he really doesn't and he doesn't spend time with them when he is porking you, how does that make them feel. yet, you let their father continue to hurt them. they will get used to him not being around but they will never get used to him being around and ignored if you continue to force their father to come be there. what a jerk he is. he is just a sperm donor. it takes a man to be a father, not every father can be a man. find yourself a better man that can be a better father but first maybe get some therapy.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:49 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • He sounds very much like my ex - don't force him to be in their lives, I sadly did that and it just made things worse because instead of him being out of their lives when they were 3 months and 18 months old he left when they were 4 and 5 years old and it's much harder on them losing their father at 4 and 5...if I had let the jerk walk away when they were babies they wouldn't remember him now and they wouldn't be asking why their father doesn't want them. You can't force him to be a father, if you force him into it it will just build resentment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

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