i caught my husband stashing his weed in our garage. before we got married and we were dating i made it clear to him that this is not what i want in my marriage that he would have to stop any drinking or weed smoking which i never witnessed just knew he did cause he stated so. after several months and everything seemingly clean and sober, we got married. this july it will be 4 yrs and up until last yr i have never suspected anything. i had found one weed seed and basicly asked him how long he had been hiding his weed smoking from me...he was honest. he had no choice, he didn't know what kind of evidendce i had found. i warned him, it's me or your drugs. i won't change you, that has to be your choice. anyway today like i said i found his dirty little secret. i have no idea if he has been drinking behind my back or not. at this point how can i trust or believe anything he says. as i just recently asked if he had and he said he didn't. anyway i askd him to leave. i can't stand the sight of him. i feel so hurt and betrayed. so he took our daughter and his stuff and left. my ex husband was a drug addict and it ruined our lives. i always let him come home and he just reverted to the same old lies and games. i have felt that in those yrs looking back that i never should of let him back in until he has proven himself to me. my second husband has to earn my trust. i'm sure others will ask how him living somewhere else helps. well one, i think it shows him that i'm serious about this. it will help me to decide from other issues if i even want to make my marriage work. he knows i have been feeling as if i made a mistake marrying him. he has pushed my kids, his step kids away from me. although i'm currently pregnant with our second child. he made a bad choice in quiting his job for another job where his new boss took advantage of him and he let him. we are close to loosing our house and all he has done was sit around over a month waiting for this job that had him go in 3 times to test his abilities and he didn't look for anything else. it's been 3 wks and they keep saying they'll let him know if he has the job by the end of the wk. well friday came and went again and no word. i'm finishing up getting my dog grooming certificate to help bring in some income and he never or rarely would help watch my 5 yr old and our 18 month old while i groomed dogs. he seemed to resent that it took me all day to get the dog or dogs done but when i have to stop and take my tools or take the girls back to him, what did he expect. has anyone been through this and what did you do that helped him get clean and stay clean? did you end up leaving? i recall feeling that i wish i had left sooner with my ex since he never changed and i know i can't change anyone. i'm not really in the position to live on my own with 4 kids and one on the way. although i've done it before. any advice...that might help me see something that i missed or should look out for?
what i expect is him to get counseling for his drug use, will attend couples therapy if they feel that will help. i expect that he tries harder at getting a job, staying clean for sometime (not sure how long i should have that be) that he takes some type of parenting class so that i can get my older children back. they really resent him and me for not taking sides. i need to really figure out if i even want to stay.
Answer by Bmat at 10:13 PM on Jun. 12, 2011
I think your being a little harsh on him. He's not allowed to drink at all?? WOW! If you haven't noticed him smoking a little pot here and there it sounds like he is only a casual user. I can totally understand you not wanting any weed in the house, but he doesn't sound like an addict. Your making him go to drug therapy?? Really?? It all just sounds like the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Sorry
Answer by Crafty26 at 10:17 PM on Jun. 12, 2011
Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:44 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:54 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
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So I guess she isnt planning on her baby growing ...
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