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How do I get an every other weekend father to make the children bathe, brush their teeth, and change their clothes? They come back every sunday filthy and in the same clothes I sent them in.

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nacoledawn

Asked by nacoledawn at 10:27 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (118 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • u should have to MAKE him do that.. tell him NO he cant have them till he learns to take care of them right. If he has visitation through the courts tell him you will take it to court..

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Have a talk with him, make him a schedule with the times they are supposed to do everything.
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • My friend is going through the exact same thing! It's awful. I'm sorry! She is documenting all of it and using it against him in court.
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 10:29 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • take it to court.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:30 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • Sit him down and go over WRITTEN instructions on their hygiene when he picks them up. Then tell him if he can't follow these instruction you are sure the judge would like to hear that he can't even meet their basic needs during visitation, and you are sure he/she may change the visitation order b/c of it ( I have seen that happen)!!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:30 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • take it to court.
    angelrach86

    Answer by angelrach86 at 10:35 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • He actually doesn't have a court order for visition. We have been separated for 3 years, but not officially divorced. I am a college student and only work part time, so money is tight (especially since he doesn't pay his court ordered on a consistent basis). I have talked with him about this many times in the past, and he always indicates that he will change his behavior-but it only lasts a visit and then he is back to slacking on his care to them. My children love their father and I want them to maintain their relationship with him, but not at the expense of their health. He says it is not a big deal, it is only a couple days, but I feel it is. I just started documenting it, but I don't even know if a judge would consider my reaction ridiculous or agree with me. Has anyone dealt with this in a court system?
    nacoledawn

    Comment by nacoledawn (original poster) at 10:48 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • See if you have a Center for Equal Justice in your area/state. They can offer you legal services based on your income, possibly even for free. That way you can have a lawyer to work out the details of a divorce and visitation.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 11:05 PM on Jun. 12, 2011

  • A lot of Courts would consider this a "parenting difference"...As bad as that is... I could understand coming back in the same clothes--a lot of parents will take the clothes off the kids, wash them, and then when it's time to go back put them back on to limit the back-and-forth of clothing. But, if they haven't changed at all, that's just gross...

    How old are the kids? Can you remind THEM to do it? Eventually they will need to learn to do it themselves. My SD is 8.5 and my DH still has to remind her to bathe, brush her teeth, change her undies, etc because her mom doesn't reinforce it (and she's custodial, we get my SD on school breaks only). Sometimes, as unfair as it is, you have to teach the kids when the other parent can't be bothered...
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 3:05 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • The kids are 7 and 9, so I am definately trying to convince them that they should make it their responsibility-but they are so busy with the video games, no bedtime, and junk food at their dad's house they forget all about bath time. lol. I send a whole bag full of clothes for him to change them into, but unfortunately he usually leaves their bag in his car and doesnt even bring it into the house.
    nacoledawn

    Comment by nacoledawn (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

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