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4 Bumps

This seems to be a site for new moms, is there anyone with older children who have moved back home but refuse to take responsibility? Help!

I have a 25 years old, He has moved out several times and has tried to make it on his own, (usually with a girlfriend or room mate)He has been back home now for 6 months, and is currently going to school, he will hopefully graduate in December, this is his 3rd time at going back to school although this time i think he is trying harder and will graduate. I am a single mother and word very hard and long hours. Most of his classes are on line and some quarters he has taken less than a full load. I have asked him to get a part-time job to help out, but i don't think he is looking to hard for a job. I think he is battling with depression and self esteem issues, i have tried to help him, by getting him doctor appt for meds for depression and also counseling. which he only went 2 times and did not go back. i think his depression has improved some, since he began anti-depression meds, He lives in the basement, and has friends over everynight, staying up very late and sleeps until well after noon, i have asked him several times not to have friends when i have to work. Although most of the time they are considerate and do not really keep me awake, he becomes very defensive and has an attitude when i tell him this has to stop and he needs to start taking more responsibiltiy for himself. Even as i am writing this i know that i am enabling him, i have just ordered books on how to help with this. Does anyone have any advice or stories they can share to help?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Jun. 12, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (5)
  • I am not a mom of an adult child but my husband and I have both discussed this. If our son needs to live at home while he is working or going to school then we will charge him so much for rent and/or food. We will also have some set rules. If he doesn't like this or if he decides not to follow these rules, then he knows where the door is. He is more than welcome in our home if he can do these things.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 12:00 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • i agree with JeremysMom... time to show him what being an adult is all about. if he fails to do what u ask of him send him to live with those friends he has over every night...

    Answer by mrsary at 4:11 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • My husband and I are parents to five children who are all adults now. Three of the five have returned home not once but several times each, some with a child and a boyfriend. Allowing adult children to return home is not easy for either the parent of the child. It is important to let your son know that certain behaviors are not acceptable and stick to it. One bad habit of my daughter's is to throw her clothing all over the place. I told her I do not want this any longer. I give her a certain amount of time to make the mess disappear and if she does not comply I toss all clothing, clean or dirty into her drawers. At first she kept complaining because she could not find clothes she was looking for but now she keeps quiet. My next step may be to toss her clothing out. At 21 she is perfectly capable of cleaning up after herself.

    Answer by bostonterrio at 4:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Both my 21 year olds have recently returned to live with me. Since they have both been out on their own it was hard for them to come back here and have to follow rules that they didnt make up but the plain truth is they are living in MY house. Should they ever be unhappy with how I run my home they are more than welcome to relocate and Ive made sure to tell them so

    One of my 21 year olds is very much like you describe your son, depression and all. Its simple, I dont give him money, he doesnt use my car, when Im ready for his friends to leave I tell them to go myself and walk them to the door, he isnt allowed to have girls in his room, I throw any mess he leaves around into his room and close the door, when he eats I remind him to wash his plate or he can use paper plates.

    You have to be pretty firm and consistant. Eventually, when they see you wont give in they come around and stop fighting you.

    Answer by rosepetal209 at 4:43 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Third time is a charm? Support him through school, keep on him about respecting your wishes even when he acts nasty. That behavior is not acceptable, no matter what the age.

    Answer by tasches at 4:20 PM on Jun. 20, 2011

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