I gave birth to a beautiful and amazing little girl about 2 years ago...the problem is, I was not ready to be a mom, I was too young and in a very unstable relationship.
The guy I was with seemed great at first but became very controlling and eventually admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose (poked a hole in a condom) in order to keep me around...he thought my parent's would kick me out. When our daughter was only 6 weeks old I found out he'd been cheating the whole time and this is when he admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose and I found out he was using me for something and he admitted he never really cared about me...
All the drama with him made it very hard to bond with my daughter, and that is terrible and I felt no true connection with her for a LONG time. It was a horrible position to be in...I loved her but just didn't feel the way people told me I would feel and I was scared.
Now, 2 years later, I love her more than anything but I'm constantly depressed. Her father left the state and has no contact with us. I'm living with my parent's, struggling to make it through college, working at a job I can't stand and trying my best to take care of her but I'm severely depressed and it hurts to admit it but I'm often wondering if I can give her everything she deserves. I desperately crave a great mother-daughter bond but she's young and I'm messed up emotionally and I feel like she prefers my parent's over me almost all of the time and it gets me so down.
I'm having issues with myself on top of that. I don't like how I look, how I feel, how I act or where I'm at in life. I can't find anything other than her to be happy about and I know she can feel my tension and it hurts to know that my 2 year old knows I'm down.
Today my mom sat down and talked to me about it. She knows I'm depressed and that I'm scared. Sometimes it's so bad that it's a struggle to get up and dressed in the morning and just going through my normal steps for the day is exhausting and I'm torn because I also have some of those young feelings where I want to get out and do stuff and my mom offers to watch her but I rarely get out because I feel guilty when I'm out having a good time but at the same time I desperately crave some me time and some time to have fun. My mom asked me if I would want to let her raise my daughter and any other time I wouldn't even consider but I'm so down right now and so scared that I'm going to mess my daughter up that I'm starting to wonder if that's not the best thing for her.
I know I love her and that as far as finances go I could find a way to care for her. But I'm so scared that I'm just going to be a poor excuse for a mother because I'm 1. young 2. not ready 3. not quite mature enough 4. confused and 5. depressed and I don't want my little girl growing up seeing me down and thinking I'm weak. My mom is a strong woman, established and she struggled with me so she knows her stuff and she is married to my step father and while he is not blood related, he's the only father I've ever known and he's phenomenal and it hurts me so bad to say this but I can't help but wonder if they could do a better job than I could.
What should I do? this is so hard. I want what's best for her...but the thought of letting her go is so painful...but at the same time I know that sometimes to be a good mom you have to sacrifice. I just don't know what to do ladies. I know some of you will want to bash me but please don't, I'm trying to be mature, I'm trying to do what's best for my daughter and I am coming her to ask you ladies to help me figure out what is best for her because the last thing I want to do is hurt my little girl. I want her to have the best of everything.
Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by emmyandlisa at 12:08 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by angelrach86 at 12:09 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
See your doc, spill all this to him/her.... insist on a referral for counseling before you make any decisions!!! You may need medication or just to hash it all out with a professional. Get help first, for you and your daughter!!
Answer by Crafty26 at 12:09 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 12:11 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by Adjustingspace at 12:15 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by meesa0210 at 12:18 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by survivormama10 at 12:25 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by GrammytoTrin at 5:35 AM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by etexmom at 10:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2011