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Should I allow my eight year old daughter to call her biological father by his first name? She says she can't help it. the man she knows and proudly calls Dad has been "her Dad" since she was 3

Her biological Father has been in and out of her life for about 5 years now, meaning he'll call on Christmas and her birthday but all the other promised calls he said he'd make never were made. So I understand when she says she can't help it, this probably is because the most she ever really hears of him was maybe he being referred to in conversations as "John" not as "her Dad" So does he have the right to ask me to correct her, she is 8. Don't you think you have to earn it, in order to be called Dad, you actually have to be a "DAD"?

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Asked by Adjustingspace at 2:17 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (70 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Just because he was the sperm donor doesn't mean he gets the privilege honor of "dad" father maybe, but not dad.

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:20 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I think your daughter has a valid point, and that the title of Dad is earned, not based on biology. I say give her license to call John whatever she wants. If she feels he hasn't been Dad (from the sounds of it, she's right), don't force it on her. He needs to realize that maybe he should step it up if he wants to be Dad. She's old enough to be rational about this kind of decision, and to understand what the name Dad represents. Let her do as she wishes, and John can suck it up.

    Answer by musicpisces at 2:21 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Besides, it takes a man to be a dad. In this case it seems he still is a 'boy'

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:22 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • That was the age I started calling my bio dad by his first name. If he wants to be dad then he has to be dad. Calling once in a while doesn't cut it. Tell him it's in his hands and only he can correct it. You can let her know how he feels about it but in the end the choice is really hers.

    Answer by Liansmommie at 2:23 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I call a man DAD who didn't donate sperm for me. Never met the sperm donor. I will NEVER call another man dad other than the one who put in the work and EARNED it.

    If he's not happy, maybe he should reflect on WHY she does this and how HE caused it. If he wants it to change, he should change!

    Answer by MoNKeyBoyz at 2:25 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • no, she should call him what she wants to call him. don't "make" her call him Dad. I agree with have to earn that title

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 2:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I think your daughter has the right idea on this one.

    Answer by danichaos at 2:34 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • This is your daughters call. As long as you didnt stand in the way of him having a relationship with his daughter and it was all his doing you should feel no oligation to make things better for him, he will have to do that all by himself and prove himself to her as a Father.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:48 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • My friend's little boy calls his biological father by his first name. The man comes around once every few years...

    My SD calls my husband "Dad", which I think is hard for her since her mom reinforces him as his name rather than "your dad" (DH is military and doesn't live nearby. BM wont' answer calls or allow SD to write us or anything...DH gets to talk to SD every other weekend when SD visits MIL). I think as long as you aren't preventing the relationship, and he is CHOSING not to be involved, then your DD should get to call him whatever she wants.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • My father was never in my life after my mother took us and left him. Unfortunately, my younger brother was named after him, so it wasn't very convenient to call my father by his name. So, I always referred to him as "father". The title holds no meaning to me other than the fact that he is the father. Dad is much more meaningful and isn't what he is.

    So, I suggest talking to her about the "situation" and let her decide. She's old enough to form her own opinions on this matter.

    Answer by Tommyskitty at 3:04 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

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