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My daughter grew up with no dad, sexually abused...now cousins are acting mean? advice please

Hi, I need advice. My daughter Ann, now 25 grew up without her dad. Besides this she was sexually abused by her stepdad. He is in jail. We don't have family here except my mom's sister, aunt Laura, her husband, children and grandchildren and my mom's brother uncle Joe, his wife, children and the new grandchildren to be borned soon . All my family lives out of the country. Ann got married when she was 18. Well, aunt laura and her family don't talk to me bcos her daughter(my cousin) is mean and one day I told her so and hang up on her.

When I was invited to thanksgiving, xmas of 2009 to uncle Joe's home, I fell awful cos my cousin(aunt laura daughter) kept ignoring me and all the family of aunt Laura kept avoiding me. Only the family of uncle Joe were nice. On uncle Joe's wife bdayI went to his house cos she was having a small bday party and I went with a friend that was visiting me from another state. My uncle's wife didn't let my friend and I to go to back of the patio(aunt Laura and fam were there) by taking us politely and nicely to the side of the patio. My friend asked me what was going on cos she noticed. I told her there was a problem with aunt Laura. Aso uncle's wife brought us yogurt pie in a napkin, saying they didn't have more plates. Pie made of yogurt in a napkin? she should have gotten ceramic plates from the kitchen then! I introduced my friend to uncle Joe and it turned out that uncle Joe and her husband graduated from the same military promotion(uncle was in the military 2 years or so) 35 yrs ago. Uncle Joe gave my friend his email so her husband or the guy in charge can contact him. He was happy he found my friend so she can connect him with them. Well, my friend told me he gave the person in charge the email address and she doesn't know if they ever contacted my uncle.

Around a month or 2, my uncle asked why i didn't say hi to his sister at t party. I told him that his wife didn't let me go to the back patio. Well, I think he doesn't want to see what happened cos I heard from my mom(his sister) that he has to take the side of his sister and not mine. I think this may be just an excuse and he is really upset bcos no one from his promotion contacted him, so this is about his pride...uncle Joe is rich...so imagine if no one contacted him...he is rich AND SOMEHOW ARROGANT. When I talked to his wife on the phone last year, she said it was weird that no one has contacted him...since last year I don't know if someone ever did...

I have to mention that I didn't feel welcomed to uncle Joe's wife bday so I decided to send them a nice email last year wishing them happy thanksgiving and xmas and apologizing for not being able to go(thanksgiving and xmas was always with them) ...I have not seen them since august last year, I invited them and their daughter Rose(she is my daughter's Ann age) to my son's bday party last sept and they didn't come...however I know they have been going to aunt's laura grown up children's parties...I only talked to uncle's Joe wife once this year...not to him since august last year...

Also,uncle's daughter, Rose got married at the court and she wanted my daughter Ann to be her witness...then Rose told my daugthter that her mom (uncle's wife) said it may not be a good idea for her to be the cos aunt Laura was not invited to the ceremony so my daughter was not the witness...uncle Joe is rich and his daughter Rose works for him...so I guess is about that too


So the problem now is that uncle's Joe daughter, Rose is pregnant and her baby shower is in a month. My daughter was invited, she received an invitation in the mail. She told me to take her(she doesn't drive much) and I said no cos I was not invited. My daughter txted Rose asking her for my invitation. Rose said she hopes my daughter understands that I am not invited cos aunt Laura will go so will her daughter(my mean cousin) and she doesn't want any drama in her baby shower....

my daughter is very upset....she was going to text her back saying that she hopes Rose understands also why she won't go to her baby shower....I told my daughter to go , that they love her but not love me...THE POINT HERE is that my daughter has gone through a lot... Rose and her sister a are the only family she has besides me and her 3 brothers...I feel she shouldn't fight for this...I also feel sad for my other 3 boys...they like uncle Joe and going to his house...but uncle is upset?..I guess many are the reasons, his pride, me backing off from them, aunt Laura and her family not talking to me...BUT UNCLE KNOWS AUNT LAURA IS NOT A GOOD PERSON THOUGH

IF I DIDN'T HAVE CHILDREN I WOULDN'T TALK TO THEM...but my 3 boys and Ann don't have any family but them...SO I DON'T KNOW IF IS BETTER TO FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THEM OR TRY TO TALK TO THEM OR ENCOURAGE MY DAUGHTER TO GO TO THE BABY SHOWER...THE NEXT PROBLEM WILL BE THEY PROBABLY WON'T INVITE MY 3 BOYS TO THE NEWBORN FUTURE BDAYS? THANKS 4 ANY ADVICE

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (5)
  • Maybe u should sit down with everyone and figure out what happen thise past couple months or so. Famliy is family and family should stick together. Life is too short to behave like a bunch of children at the play ground.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:53 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • sometimes u gotta let family go & have "non-blood" relatives. they are just as good and sometimes better than your real blood relatives.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 4:08 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • i'm sorry but if my mom wasn't invited to a cousin's baby shower i wouldn't go either. yeah they are the only family but you would think the other family would behave a little better because of it. relatives want to act mean and what not so you have to let them go. you can't always be the one to fix things especially if they don't seem to make in effort to go halfways on it. if you daughter doesn't want to go because of them not inviting you she shouldn't have to go, she is sticking up for you, be proud.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:13 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • This sure is long. step dads suck.
    Ihearthorses

    Answer by Ihearthorses at 7:49 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I am so sorry that this is happening, but if I were you, I would encourage my daughter to go... because your family's issues with you and yours with them should not be placed on the shoulders of your children.... that's why I still let my parents and my husbands parents see my kids... and not talk badly about the things that they have done to me to them...
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 12:34 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

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