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I have one biological child and two step children. How should I make birthdays fair?

We give the same gift to all the children, but we live an hour away from my step kids and my daughter lives with us full time. My daughter wants to have her friends come over for a party. What is the right thing to do with my step children?

Answer Question

Asked by hess3 at 6:15 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I assume their mother throws them a party, but you can always offer to give them a party. If they say or the mother says no, then leave it, you tried. But next time they come visit you could have a special meal and a cake with a present so they know you are acknowledging them.


    Answer by cassie_kellison at 6:20 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • The birthdays are the bio parents responsibility. Let them handle it.  do what you want for your child.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:28 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • That is fair. They LIVE with their mother FULL time so we expect my husbands ex to handle Ethans' birthday parties with his own friends where he lives. We keep their gifts equal but when it comes to birthday's just not the same because he is only with us 4 days out of a month. It's up to his mother to handle affairs like that where they live at their own hometown. If you don't live in the same can you really throw the stepkids birthday parties when they don't have any friends where you live an hour away from them? IDK...this is one of the things we sort of draw a line on. Your daughter lives with you....this is HER HOME. It's natural that you would have a birthday party for her and they should understand that. That's all I can offer. GL!

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 6:30 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Talk to the mother of SK and if they want to have the party at their mother's house with their own friends, then offer to pay for part of the food, etc. I hate the your house, your responsibility mind set. For the kids sake relationships should be friendlier than that. I agree that you should do whatever you want for you DD though. Just make sure that SK have the same opportunities whether with you or their Bio Mom.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:36 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • We've never worried about being "fair" since all the kids are different ages and into different things. My DD wanted a party but SD thought they were not cool.

    Answer by CometGirl at 8:52 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I would allot a certain amount of $$ per child. If your bio daughter wants to spend hers on a party instead of a gift, then that's her choice. If the other two aren't getting a party, then all the money goes into the gift.

    Answer by missanc at 9:55 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • You give your daughter her birthday party. She lives with you and deserves it. For the stepkids, take them out for a special dinner that they chose the restaurant and give them presents. If they lived with you I would say give them a party too.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:51 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Fair shmair. Treat all the children as individuals. Just because do something for one child doesn't mean all the children have to have it. Seriously, I've done this with my twins. If I see something one will like I'll buy it for them and the other doesn't say "where's my gift". If you love them all and don't favor any of them it'll all come out even in the end.

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:57 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

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