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How do I steer my daughter away from someone who is no longer her friend?

My daughter is 11 and she is currently finishing 6th grade in a new school. It has been a rough year for her socially but she always found solace in her friend (who does not go to this school). This past weekend, my daughter tried out for her friend's soccer team and was accepted. I received a call the following day from said friend's mom, who was my friend to say that this team has always been her daughter's thing. That another girl, not my daughter, who also made the team and who goes to the same school as her daughter is mean to her and she's upset about it. I was not sure what she was getting at, but I got the sense that her daughter doesn't want my girl on her team. I came right out and asked her if she's asking me to decline the offer of the team, she said no. I don't know if she is being polite or if she is trying to tell me that my daughter should not have expectations of having a buddy on her team if she does accept. I am mortified and am steering my daughter to try out for another team, but she is so pleased to be accepted to her friend's team. I gently told her that her friend has been on the team for a long time and that she already has relationships with some of these girls and that she would basically be "the new girl". I am hurt, and confused. Along with this, they go to sleep-away camp together. How should I handle this? I'm so upset, I don't know what to do. Please advise...

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Asked by marilyn440 at 7:07 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Sorry not following. So another girl is being mean to your friends daughter? What does that have to do with your daughter? I'm confused.

    Answer by Syphon at 7:16 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Yeah i agree with do you get "i don;t want your DD on my DD's team because another girl from your DD's school is mean to my DD? I think she was just telling you as maybe a concerned possibly needing advise or whatever...just let your DD be o that team...she is 11 and if somehow this friendship goes away then that's life she will have lots of friends in her life hat will come and go. I just recently ended a friendship with a friend of 10 yrs. because we have just grown apart as people. it happens. Stop thinking too much into and let it go.

    Answer by happymama02 at 7:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I agree I am confused. If your DD is excited about being excepted on this team then let her join and see what happens. At this age girls don't always get along and getting involved isn't always best for parents because the girls get over it quickly and the parents remain upset.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:35 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I don't really understand the connection either but you and your daughter should always do what is in her best interests. You need to guide her in the what scenarios can happen with girls changing friends from time to time, being catty, etc. And soothe her through the pains that can happen along the way. Stay calm and guide her through these tender, emotional, exciting years. GL

    Answer by whitepeppers at 7:55 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • If this girl can't be friends with both your daughter and the other girl, then she is not much of a friend. I have always taught my children to include everyone. If you daughter is pushed out for someone else, then this other girl is just mean herself and I wouldn't want my daughter hanging out with her. It also sounds like it might be perpetuated by the mother.

    Answer by attap5 at 8:15 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Your daughter needs to learn this very difficult lesson. I know it hurts and you want to protect your child. We all do. But part of our job is to prepare them for what happens in real life. I'll be praying for courage for both of you

    Answer by adnilm at 8:32 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • blah... soccer team is for anyone who can join. Ignore the mother, if your daughter truly wants to play soccer,let her. If she is doing it to be close to her friend, she will soon learn the new dynamics and either want to be on another team herself or stay where she is. The mother had no right to tell you soccer is her daughters "thing" She'smore childish than her daughter.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:57 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • hollydaze1974 has the right idea....I agree completely. If your daughter wants to play for that team, so be it. She doesn't have to get along with everybody she meets and they don't have to get along with her. That's life. And they need to learn that. Parents can sometimes make it worse by getting involved where they don't need to - like with their kid's sports. Let the kids have fun, and let that be that. Why is the other mom complicating everything?

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 4:12 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

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