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When you cannot make your parents understand...

I love my parents, and i am close with my mom... in fact they are the main people I trust with my kids ( if i need someone to watch after my kids, my mom and my grandma are the onlys ones who have ever watched them ) ...

My parents go to a church, that me and my husband ( and kids) dont go to anymore because we just felt they were so strict , but my dad is completely wrapped up in the church...

At the church they are having a preschool type thing... My dad has been the main one setting it up and assumed my kids would be going .. BUT I never planned on them going.

I believe in god, so it isnt that... but I feel funny going back just for this thing espeically when i have been avioding members of the church since we stopped going ( some of them would call or email to ask when we were coming back ) ...

Also it is from 6pm to 7pm .. my husband gets home at 6:45 , and then we eat supper... so that would mess with that schedule plus the church is 30 minutes away so we wouldnt even get home until after 7:30 .. by the time I make supper it will be after 8 ( which is the time the kids go to sleep ) ... and then, the fact that I dont even drive ( and my husband uses our 1 vehicle to go to work ) ... it would just be a hassel to get there...

So i told them that i really doubt we would be going... and now they are mad ...

It makes me so mad for 1, they should just go with my choice, i am afterall the parent..and 2, especially with my dad he never gets this involved with our lives unless it has to do with the church... I mean he said he will personally take us there and bring us back everyday just so they will go... but yet could only find the time to go to 1 of my daughters tball games ( which was also from 6-7 ) ... if i need his help or something, it is like I have to make an appt. and he usually doesnt show up anyways... And then my mom just gets mad anytime I dont go with her schedule...

i stood up to them and told them we wasnt, but now I am the one who just feels badly, but I want to beable to stick up for what i think is right for MY kids, without feeling bad about it...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (7)
  • You feel bad because it is natural that most of us want to please our parents and you feel that you are not pleasing them. While I think he is trying to make sure that your children are brought up as Christians, I do think that they need to let you make the decisions for your children. I am in my 40s and my mother is still disappointed in me because I do not go to Catholic church, but instead attend an Assembly of God. It is the right fit for my family. Which may be what you need to find if you do want to go to church, but this one is too strict. I feel you on that one. Acceptance I believe is the most important part of a church, not looking at your every mistake and thinking you are a pariah or some huge sinner. Try not to feel bad, YOU are the parent and the expert on your children.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:49 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Don't doubt yourself Momma. You did the right thing for you and your family. I don't care how old we get, we hate disappointing out Mom and Dad...that is why you feel so rotten. They will get over this and maybe even have a little more respect for you for standing your ground for your own family. Good luck.

    Answer by ochsamom at 9:50 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Your kids, your right to choose where you want them to attend school. It was okay that you stood up to them. My mom is the exact same way, but you didn't disrespect them, you just told them that the kids were going elsewhere. My mom favors different grandkids, and that really infuriates me. My sister's 10 year old daughter has been at my mom's house since spring break, and she's still there, but I can't get her to let my two girls stay there overnight. You have to let them know when their wrong, in a respectful manner, but let them know it's your family, not theirs.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:52 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Given your circumstances, I'd stay home even if I had a strong attachment to that church. You parents aren't seeing the whole story.


    Answer by JSD24 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Your parents need to understand that YOU and DH are the parents, and it is YOUR decision to make, not theirs. Taking into consideration all you have said (dh work time, him having the car, suppertime, church 1/2hr away and also you are not members there anymore) I do think you have valid reasons for not going, and it really is not your parents business. It is hard not to feel guilty (cause they are your parents) but in this matter you are right and THEY should be the ones who feel guilty, for pressuring you.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:22 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • they'll get over it. plain and simple

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:43 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Oh my, I feel like you just described my family! My parents church (my dad is the pastor, so totally wrapped up in the church) have a preschool class on wed. nights. Dh and I stopped going to their church a little over 2 years ago. We found one that is a better fit for us. Anyway, my mom really wants my kids to go to the preschool class. I let them go if she will come and get them. My parents are always busy and then complain that they never see the kids. So, if she wants to get them, I won't say no, but I am not driving them to and from. I figure if they really want to see my kids they can make an effort. They pick the kids up maybe twice a month, not every week, just when it works for them. Perhaps you could suggest that? I know it throws off your schedule, but they also get to see grandparents and perhaps you and dh can have some alone time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

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