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5 Bumps

Natural Father's in adoption?

Ladies, I have been , of late, thinking, We see so much about statisics, polls, references etc....however, I am curious; How many of these women who give their children up for adoption take the wants and needs of the natural father and his family into consideration? In other words, how many really and truly want to give up their child and are not lied to/coerced to do so by the natural mother? I never hear a Bmom, say anything about this! It is always their pain and how they have been failed by people around them and thus could not keep their child and how they had no choice. This is a question of curiousity, intended for other adoptive Moms. I already KNOW what Bmoms will say, so it is of little interest for me to 'hear" how happy their partners were to have their child given away or how they were not suitable etc. This is NOT intended for the purpose of getting anyone "riled" up, it is just that I never have heard anything about "TRUE" feelings of the natural Father, and HIS views/desires/needs...never. I know men in general rarely speak to their emotional views of such subjects, but it would indeed be interesting to hear what their feelings are on adoption. Thanks ,I hope you gals can give me insight into anything you may have "referenced" , personally have knowledge of, or dealt with personally.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (55)
  • In my state the birthfathers have to be notified before an adoption will go through. Finding my son's was really difficult. So, those who know, or are notified do have a say. Our's did not care and wanted no part of him. I am sure some birthmothers lie and those birthfathers never know that a child ever existed.

    Clearly as in all aspects of life; some do the right thing and some do not.

    Anon: realizing you have an Anti birthmom agenda turned your interesting question into an disappointing one. At least we know where you are coming from now.

    Answer by ochsamom at 5:36 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Answering this question is pointless IMHO because it seems unlikely it was a serious question to begin with. Also I hate to encourage anonymous posters by responding to them. I continue to believe that in most instances, anonymous posting is cowardly.

    It seems obvious to me that the question was asked to mock CJ's post in the birth mom group because the anonymous poster knew better than to try it there, and yet, had a need to strike out at natural moms once again because she felt hurt and attacked. The we vs. them mentality is juvenile, and silly to me.

    Answer by Southernroots at 5:42 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Quote: I already KNOW what Bmoms will say, so it is of little interest for me to 'hear" how happy their partners were to have their child given away or how they were not suitable etc.

    Fascinating that you think you know what bmoms would say, and that you think amoms would have more information about birth father feelings than bmoms, and that you're surprised that you've never heard anything from bdads on a website where men are excluded. 

    There are several birth fathers in my Concerned United Birthpartents support group and I have read  books by birth fathers. But since you already know what I'm going to say I shan't bother quoting them.


    Answer by onethentwins at 2:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • ANYONE can be hateful and cruel to backup their ill conceived notions. Birthmothers do not corner the market on that...You are a good example of that. It is too bad you decided to play games with this question and turn it into some weird point you were trying to prove. It would have been a worthwhile discussion.


    Answer by ochsamom at 8:20 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • In my case, my boyfriend at the time (now husband) went along with what I wanted. At first he wanted us to have an abortion, after that he teetered on whether he wanted his son or not. It became more real for him when he realized we were having a boy, however he went along with me the whole way. The day my son was born, my boyfriend came to the hospital and while I was in labor told me he changed his mind. I was furious, because the entire time I wanted to raise my son he kept telling me no, I had become attached to the adoptive parents. I couldn't look them in the eye and say no. I was scared I'd have to pay back all their expenses. I had to nowhere to go if I left the hospital. All these things overwhelmed me and in the end we were convinced we had no choice. I think more times than not most men go along with the women because they don't know they have options.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I think most of the time the women you see writing or posting about it have no support from the bio-dad. I think the reason that we don't see posts about bio-dads, is because usually if he is involved and supportive, they don't choose adoption as the route for them,

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:09 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I think more times than not most men go along with the women because they don't know they have options

    I disagree with this. I think they are fully aware that they COULD have full custody, but don't want to be a father, or if they are already fathers, have more children.
    The idea of taking on the full responsibity of a child is over thier heads. If it wasn't they would have already been fighting for it.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:22 AM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Anon: . typos and mispellings and all.

    The angel on my one shoulder says "that is not right", the devil on the other shoulder... well he can't say anything because he just fell off my shoulder laughing so hard.

    Ironically, it actually is a good question.

    Answer by SandalsKitty at 1:25 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • This is just BS.

    If a birth mother goes into the birthmothers group and says "I absolutely hate adoptive moms. They are evil kidnappers, I hate them all." I'm not going to confront her. It's the birthmothers group. She has every right to vent and scream and get it all out there. I don't think any of the bmoms in that group would confront her and nor should they feel like they have to.

    Now they don't have to agree with her either. CJ's post has been there for 12 hours and not one bmom has agreed with her, commented or given her a charm of any kind. If you have an issue with her, talk to her about it instead of hiding here behind the anon button.



    Answer by onethentwins at 9:47 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • sidesplittinglaughter


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Jun. 13, 2011