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We are going to adopt a 14 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. What can we do to help them a just to the adoption

We love these children but they make it hard to love them back.

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Asked by BrendaL at 4:29 PM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (9)
  • they have probly been through alot it sounds like i think the only thing you can do is be patient and keep reminding them you love them and want them forever they will come around. Contrats on the adoption

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 4:32 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • WOW! I was adopted when I was 10. Yes, it can be a hard process for them to adjust. It is not htat they make it for you guys to love them it is just htat they been through a lot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Seriously? It is hard to love them? That's what they need right now. I commend you on adopting them both and keeping them in the same family. I think that's amazing. BUT, they need your love and support and need to feel safe. They also probably need some type of counseling. Oh, and it is "adjust" not "a just." Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I completely understand what you're talking about. Adopting older children is not for the faint of heart. They will push you to your limits and then push some more. These children have been through some very tough times. They don't trust adults so it's very difficult for them to show you affection. They have learned survival skills, but not positive life skills. How long have you had them? How long were they in foster care? Be sure you get them on a schedule. Sit them down and go over the house rules. You might want to post the house rules. Don't let them get away with breaking the rules. Show them affection, but if they resist don't push them.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • CONT'D....
    Put pictures of them up in the house so it's more personalized and they don't feel like they're visiting. Be positive. Tell them each day that you love them. Tuck them in bed and hug them goodnight. Be sure to take time for yourself too. You'll need time to recharge. If you have a very bad day with them, put them to bed a little early so you can regroup. I hope some of this helps. You're in for a tough ride, but it's all worth it when you finally see that face smile and hug you back. Come on over to Touched By Adoption. There are poeple there that can give you some good advice. And don't pay attention to Anon 5:08.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 8:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • IDK. But kudos and good luck to you :)

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:58 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • It may take completing the adoption for them to "love" you. They are probably afraid of being sent away.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:36 AM on Dec. 12, 2008

  • I am sorry but I have trouble spelling. They are pretty good children for the most part.

    Answer by BrendaL at 7:42 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • My husband and I where going to adopted a 12 year old girl and her 10 year old brother. (They are 15 and 13 now) Just keep loving them with God's unconditional love. Pray everyday and asked the Lord to show you how to pray for them each and everyday. When children are being adopted they have a lot of emotion problems and they feel abandoned from their birth parents who gave them life, and it is hard for them to trust anyone when they feel that their parents gave them away and they feel that they are no good and that no one will loved them like their real parents where suppose to. It is hard for them to love especially since they are in their teens. Hang in there and keep loving them, know matter what. My husband and I will keep praying for your husband and you TO NOT GIVE UP on them. It will be worth it all in the end. Keep up the faith and God will see you through this.

    Answer by BrendaL at 2:09 PM on Feb. 10, 2010

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