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3 Bumps

Is this family feud all my fault ?

I have been married for 3 years and currently I am pregnant with our second baby.

My husband was pretty much raised by his grandma and then in his late teens when he g-ma got sick he went back to his moms house... However he was never really close to them like real mother-son-sister realtionships ...

After we had our daughter ( who is 19 months old ) I never really planned on them having her alot ... His mom didnt really care because she is very honest about not liking kids , however there was one time when she wanted to babysit, i didnt want to but we let her watch her while we went to the grocery store - about 35 mintues later we come back to find MIL laying on the couch watching tv, and my daughter who was less than a year old playing on the other side of the house by herself with a candy wrapper in her mouth... OF COURSE that was the last time she watched her, and she doesnt complain about it because she knows she screwed up...

But my husbands sister is a different story, to blunt, she is very trashy with the way she lives... she has a son whom she lost custody of, and after a year she just started saying " well he has been away from me for too long , it is better to just let him stay away" , she drinks and smokes weed and doesnt think there is anything wrong with it ( of course i do ) ... and therefore WE do not want her to ever be alone with my daughter... I am not saying she cannot see her, she can come visit whenever she wants, she is always invited to birthday parties and holidays... but it is just the fact she is not aloud to actually take my daughter anywhere with her...

She is upset over this, we have just tried to tell her that we were not comfortable with anyone taking her and that since I am a SAHM it isnt like i really ever need a babysitter, well then she threw it back that my mom gets to watch her when i go to doctor appts and such..still not trying to be mean we just tried to say that she can come over to see her whenever, well that isnt good enough she wants my daughter to come to her ( filthy) house, to stay the night and to take her places ( her drivers lisence isnt even valid) ...

So it got to a point to where she started to say things to me - to anyone who would listen, so not only to people in their family, but she would even send messages to people on my facebook and ask them if they know they are friends with a controlling b**** , and things like that...

At family get togethers ( like christmas and Easter) she would loudly talk about how she is surprised I even aloud my husband to enter one of his family members houses and all kinds of things... ( it makes my husband mad, and he will tell them to stop but usually we just leave when she starts to talk like that)

I finally had enough a few weeks ago ( his moms birthday party) ..she was going on and on about me, and I tried to ignore her but then she called me a selfish whore and one day my husband will leave me and my kids wont want anything to do with me.. and I went off on her and said : It isn't like i want a sister in law who i cant trust with my kids, do you think I like having someone who is so freaking trashy and cant even take care of her own kid, why in the world would I let you around mine? You think by talking to me like that it is going to help you see your neice and nephew ( pregnant with boy ) , you arent even aloud at our house anymore because you think its funny to say these things about me, but yet you keep doing it, what do you freaking expect, me to just hand my daughter over after you say this stuff, you just proved without a doubt you will never be involved with them again.... and then we left...

Now I know what i said was mean, but not even compared to what she has said, I didnt even cuss ( unless you count freaking as a cuss word) ...

It just makes me sick to think that this argument actually happened at a family event ( although most of them was already drunk lol ) .... but I never had pictured my inlaws being like this... I wished for ones that I could be close to, like i said to her, does she think I like having a sister in law that I cant trust to be around my kids? I would LOVE to have a SIL and MIL that i would feel safe enough for my kids to go visit or that we could do things with...

Everyone in his family hates me now, and I understand that it wasnt right to argue with her in front of all of them, but SHE was doing it for over an hour, cussing at me, saying things loud enough for me and everyone else to hear... all of them are not the type of people who would hold their toungues if someone said even one of those things she said about me,... so i dont know why they would expect me to ...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • i'd say 'good riddance' and BRAVO! to you for finally sticking up for yourself. idk why your dh hadn't stopped it, apparently whatever he's said in the past wasn't getting through to them
    idk what your dh's relationship with them will be, or how he will handle it, but i'd just keep myself and the kids out of harm's way and never be around them. no sense in letting them have their rude ways with you, just because they are 'family'. you don't need family like that, and you certainly don't want to teach your children that their behavior is ok, or normal. its not.
    GOOD FOR YOU, OP!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:18 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • We all have a breaking point. It wasn't your fault, you handled things the best way you could under the situation your sil created. We all want family to get along and be there for each other but sometimes it isn't possible. Your first responsibility is your child(ren)'s safety and you've done everything to keep them out of harms way. Your inlaws will just have to get over it.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 2:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • SHE started it, you just finished it. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your children. With family like that, who needs enemies?


    hugsyou rock

    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • If she can't handle the fire she needs to stay out of the kitchen! You did it right, maybe not the best place, but from what you said, she was BEGGING for it!
    cueballsmom

    Answer by cueballsmom at 6:14 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • good for you for standing up for yourself! Screw that loser! I wouldnt let her around my kid either, even if my kid was 15 and had a cell phone to call me in case somthing happened! I sure as hell wouldnt let a helpless infant near her! It sucks that you will never have a big warm welcome from this side of the family, but sometimes its best to accept these things and move on. Atleast your kids will know one great grandmother(your mom). Count your blessings dear, atleast your kids were to young to remember or understand the horrible things she said about thier mother. Think of all the money youll save at christmas time now that you dont need to buy those ingrates anything! I actually feel sorry for your MIL and SIL, they lack the sense and capacity to ever truly give and therefore love. Its very sad.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 6:50 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • i would have done alot more lol i can only bit my tonge for so long an u shouldnt be treated like that but u also shouldnt of done it their. but your hubby should of been the one to speack up about it cuz its his family treating u like this.
    BOOKER123ABC

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 9:44 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I have to agree with everyone in saying that you didnt do anything wrong. You stood up for yourself and I dont think that there is ever a reason not.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 9:55 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Nope-not your fault at all-
    soyousay

    Answer by soyousay at 8:56 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • You did the right thing, obviously they didn't like you much before you went off on her because if they did, they would have stopped her from talking like that around you. I would have done that a long time ago.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:23 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I can certainly see why you blew up at sil, and for the record I must say I think sil did have it coming!! I don't know why everyone would be mad at you, as SIL started it, with all of her digs at you over the years, and also you did not say anything that offensive, you just told the truth!. SIL is NOT trustworthy, and why should you hand your child over to her? IF she wanted to be around kids then maybe she should not have had hers taken from her. I am glad that your husband does not put up with their trash talk. It might be best to just end contact with all of them, and tell them that until they can behave and 'make nice' they will not be allowed at your house or around your kids.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:58 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

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