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How to deal with a controlling kid?

I am in a relationship with a guy that has a 10 year old son. The son tries constantly to come between his dad and I. The son is like a lost puppy following his dad everywhere. I have 2 girls that his son is constantly irritating them. His son thinks everything is his, does not know how to share, and is constantly rude, and has an attitude. I have talked to his dad about these issues, and have not gotten much help or input on how to fix the problem. How do I deal with his son to stop creating tension, and how do I go about getting his dad to work with me on these issues?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • A friend of mine was in the same type situation, it was two boys though and her one daughter. It only got worse, I'm sorry to say. I wish you luck mama!

    Answer by Dahis at 3:15 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • How long have your bf & the boy's mom been apart? If it hasn't been that long, or dad is just getting back into the dating scene, the boy may be used to having his dad to himself and/or have unresolved issues about his parents not being together. He sees you & your girls as a threat to his "territory". If the dad is not willing to get involved and/or get the boy some counseling, I think you need to save you & your girls from any more torment & cut your losses on this one. Sorry. GL!

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:20 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Why do adults always expect children to handle new relationships, separations, divorce, remarriage, whatever like they are adults? This is a 10yo CHILD whose family has been torn apart and he sees you as a threat. He's GOING to be possessive of his dad, he's GOING to act out, he's GOING to annoy you, he's GOING to annoy your daughters....he's GOING to test the waters and try your patience BECAUSE HE'S A CHILD!!!! If you love his dad you will accept and understand his son's insecurities and emotions and work WITH HIM and help him. My mother still refers to me (at 44) as a brat because at 7 I had a hard time dealing with her divorce from my dad and her marriage to a new husband along with a new baby just a short time after her re-marriage. I was 7, it was a lot to take didn't make me a brat or controlling, it made me a child with a lot of turmoil in her life!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • ~*Hmmm*~... if daddy is no help, don't expect things to get better in the future... personally, I would make it clear when him and I spend time, it will be without his kid or not at all? I do not deal well with messes other people create... hahaha

    In all likelyhood, the kid is being allowed to get away with it because the parents feel guilty about a broken home... but they are not doing him any favors by allowing it (will get worse as time goes by)... on the positive side... only 8 more years and you can hope the kid moves out on its own??? Hahahaha

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 3:37 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • If you can't accept his son...his dad should toss YOU to the curb and cut HIS losses. Not the other way around!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • It is his stuff and he may feel like your kids r taking over his space. Can u leave your girls with a sitter till the relationship is better? U need to slowly introduce the girls into his space so he does not feel that they r trying to take it over. It is a hard situation. Good Luck.

    Answer by dancer at 3:48 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Well, I guess the truth hurts huh? All the vote downs for people who offered honest advice - makes you wonder- hmmm

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • My parents divorced when I was young and I had a very hard time dealing with it. I know I made life miserable for both of my parents but I was 6 when they divorced and 8 when they both remarried. It was hard having step-parents, a step-brother (who was my dad's step-son AND my mom's step-son....ex-spouses married ex-spouses), 2 new little sisters within 2 years of my mom and her husband marrying, etc.. That was in the 70's though were dealing with children of divorce was a new thing. THIS is a new generation where most kids come from blended families so IMO I think that the those who enter relationships with those with children should be a lot more understand and tolerant. They should understand the emotional stress and try to make things easier and be more understanding. Try to include your s/o's son in more family things and treat him like you geniunely care...and not like he's just a side effect of dating his dad.

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 11:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • See if DS would like to spend an ice cream trip with you and you alone. Sometimes children in blended families have trouble trusting the SO. It really sounds like some alone time with you would do you two a world of good. Make it a weekly or monthly thing for awhile. Make it fun with just a tiny bit of "do you feel lost in the family now?" Think about it... two girls have moved into his life with you and it sounds like he's trying to find his place in this new family. I really think it would help if you two had some time just you and he.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 11:53 AM on Jun. 15, 2011

  • No person should allow their kids to be rude to an adult, much less an adult they want to marry. You need to suggest counseling to this boys father. It is understandable that this boy is acting out, but it is not excusable. Realize that the problem may start with the boys mother. So there is not much you will accomplish by being kinder and more understanding, although I would say always be fair and pleasant to the boy. I think that the father may understand if you tell the boy that it is now your time with his dad. He is not a young child. He should understand this. Above all make sure you are not neglecting your own daughters, or endangering them. This kid may turn violent if he is passive aggressive. Are you sure you want to put your daughters through this? They should come first.

    Answer by martine1778 at 11:37 PM on Jun. 17, 2011

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