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3 Bumps

I'm so confused...Any ideas?

I have the opportunity to reconnect with someone I dated 4 1/2 years ago. We dated for 2 months and I ended it because he was drinking too much, getting drunk and wasn't good to be around. When he wasn't drinking he was fun to be around. He was a good listener, we had a lot in common and was easy to talk to. We also had a lot of chemistry between us. The biggest problem was the drinking. Now he says he barely drinks and wants to prove to me that he is a good guy. Back then, he said he didn't show me the real him because he was confused and didn't know what he wanted. Now he says he knows what he wants. I was going through a divorce back then so I didn't really want anything anyway. Now we have another chance and I'm not sure if he's being true about his drinking. Back then he also didn't have a good job but now he's going back to school to better himself. Decisions Decisions.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Everyone deserves a second chance. You will know by his behavior if he's really changed. It can't hurt! I say go for it!
    Evie3

    Answer by Evie3 at 3:27 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I dislike going backwards....BUT sometimes it turns out to be the best thing. I might consider dating him for a while to see if he's changed and to see if that connection and chemistry was still there.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:28 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Hey it's worth a try. You can always end it if he is bullshitting!!
    LittlesMom549

    Answer by LittlesMom549 at 3:28 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Go for it, try a few dates and see what happens!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 3:30 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Just be careful I got back together with an ex, he lived 3 hours away and we would talk for hours over the phone and he would tell me how much of a drunk his sister was etc. and he didn't drink much at all...well i never heard a can opening and when I would visit there was no beer. so I moved me and my 3 kids into his house and found out fast that he drinks bottles and went through a case a day.
    boy did he have me fooled!
    I would ask this friend of yours what made him quit? did he go through treatment? is he in AA? and if he is tell him you would like to go with him. just tread slowly
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:31 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Going out for a cup of coffee isn't a commitment; you can certainly go out and see if something is still there but no big steps for a LONG time.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:32 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Second chances def a yes. Just keep ur guard up a little and if its the same get out as fast as u got in.
    Aleighasmom09

    Answer by Aleighasmom09 at 3:35 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I went back to a guy I dated about 14 years ago. We connected again about 2 - 2 1/2 years ago. He turned out to be worse than he was before. But I wouldn't have known if I hadn't given it another shot, and since I'd always kinda wondered, it turned out to be good. He scared me, and it was definitely a rocky, unstable relationship, but it stopped the wondering. I now know that we will never make it work and I have no urge to ever contact him and if he ever contacted me again, I'd have no trouble ignoring him.

    Even if it doesn't work out, at least maybe it'll give you that closure of knowing that it's never going to work. And if it turns out he is being truthful and he really has turned his life around, maybe he'll turn out to be the one.

    At the same time, if you're really feeling it would be a bad idea, then don't do it. You have to trust yourself.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 3:37 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Also does he still have the same friends as before? from back in his drinking days...
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:49 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Anyone can change and anyone can pretend to have changed. Take your time and get to know this man all over again before making a decision. In other words, he can pretend to have his drinking under control but there are sure tall tell signs that can prove otherwise...after time has passed and you are convinced that he has his drinking under control, then you'll know if its worth giving him another chance...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:30 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

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