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Is it so wrong to cut them off? Am I alone on this? What do I tell the others without being messy?

I have decided I'm cutting of contact with my SIL. I don't think there is any other choice. I don't want to fight, but I don't need to explain myself to anyone. For years, she tells us how to spend our money, how to raise our kids, tells us everything she thinks we are doing wrong, when it's ok to visit FIL in the home, lies, manipulates, accuses of us stealing, and found out she was, talks trash on us to other family members and I'm just plain tired. I'm tired of feeling like I'm on trial. This is affecting my entire life and the only way it stops is cutting off contact.

Her husband calls the other night saying he booked a cabin for all the family to hang out. I obviously have no desire to cohabit-ate with them whatsoever. Shell get drunk and start spewing shit at us in front of the entire family. her husband says do it for the kids. I say no, because I'm not going to spend the week getting talked about, my kids hear it. I feel like maybe she should have thought about that before she treated us like shit. I feel bad for the other family that will be there because I know they want us to go. But I Already know what's gonna go down. What should I tell tell the other family members so I don't talk shit on her like she does me? They are going to ask why we aren't going. Going is NOT an option so please don't tell me to just go.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I'd just tell them we weren't going. If they press for a why then just tell them.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:49 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Just say you have other plans that week, and say "maybe next time" when you know there isn't a chance in hell you will!!
    Evie3

    Answer by Evie3 at 3:50 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Tell them you have other plans, thanks for the invite, but no thank you.
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 3:51 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I have a feeling they already know, if she's that bad. These things tend NOT to be secrets.

    You don't have to give any reasons... you're just not going. You have other plans, if you MUST give a reason.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:51 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • oh hell no should you go i have the same issue only with my MIL i finally sat down with DH and said "Your mom treats me horribly you've seen it you just ignore it every time we visit she makes me feel so unwanted i've had to lock myself in a room and even then she just comes to the door and makes snide remarks until i am counting down the minutes to go home so i'm no longer going to her home if she wants to visit here fine but it will be our house our rules and until she can get over her issues our children aren't visiting either" At this point he asked why they couldn't go (i almost smacked him upside the head) so i told him "If i don't feel comfortable with the way your mother treats me why would i send my children to a place where their mother isn't respected what would happen if she decided she didn't like something about our kids if you want to go that's fine but know we will not go i hope you stand up for your family"
    krissii

    Answer by krissii at 3:54 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • that should have been should not go* sorry
    krissii

    Answer by krissii at 3:55 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Well you could be tactful and say "we already have other plans for that time, maybe next year" or if there are other family members who do not get along with sil you could be blunt and honest and say "because sil is a bitch and I am sick of putting up with her and hearing her talk trash about me".
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:01 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • The less you attempt to explain, the less people will try to convince you to change your mind. If people ask you why you aren't going you can say, "I don't care to discuss it." Just say you aren't going and be done with it.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 4:03 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Tell them you're not going, and it's "for the kids." So that the kids don't have to witness awkward and uncomfortable adult moments or their mother being bad mouthed. In all honesty, I would just tell them that your relationship with your SIL is not great right now and you feel the trip would be awkward and hard to enjoy so you're opting not to go. That doesn't place blame on either side or talk trash about your SIL, but it's still an honest answer. Ask them if they'd like to get together with your family another time when SIL won't be there.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:50 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

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