Mostly, I'm talking about sex... but it's kind of everything.
I get a lot of pleasure out of making him feel good, sexually and otherwise. Back rubs, making dinner, showing affection, writing notes, pleasing him sexually, all these things make ME feel good too. He has said that he doesn't need me to do these things in order to feel loved, but I do them anyway, because they matter to me.
But when it comes to doing these same things for me he doesn't place a whole lot of importance on it, or understand why I want it. We've talked a lot about it, and he just feels like he could take it or leave it. He likes seeing me happy, but really he would prefer if I just made MYSELF happy and didn't rely on him for any of it. He knows how important it is to me, he knows that I need that, he just can't give it because he genuinely doesn't understand why I need those things.
He *doesn't mind* giving oral sex. He *doesn't mind* giving back rubs. He *doesn't mind* writing little notes, etc. But he doesn't enjoy it. And i have tried, but I just can't feel the same way about it if I have to ask him to do it. Saying "can you please write me a love note?" doesn't feel anywhere near the same as just getting one.
I don't know what to do. He's a great guy, and even with this we are relatively happy. But I don't really want to stay forever in "relatively happy"... I want marital bliss.
What can I do to inspire him to take initiative to make me happy?
Also... I wonder if maybe I have unrealistic expectations? I'm willing to work on this and change myself too, and I realize that it takes two to tango. I do find myself a lot of the time blaming him and not giving him credit when he does something well. For example, just yesterday I was angry with him and told him he wasn't spending enough time with me, but he pointed out how much time he really had been spending with me and I had to admit I was wrong. In that instance, I FELT like he was doing something wrong, even though he wasn't.
Anyway, being totally honest with myself right now, I really don't feel like it makes him happy to make me happy. And that just feels like he doesn't need me and he doesn't want me to need him. I don't feel like a WOMAN around him, I just feel like a partner most of the time.
Asked by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by Ttcbabyclegg at 6:13 PM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by cmgIII at 5:24 PM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by cmgIII at 5:23 PM on Jun. 13, 2011
Answer by cmgIII at 5:36 PM on Jun. 13, 2011