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My man makes me miserable

I'm 19 weeks tomorrow and just found out I'm having a girl!! I should be floating in the clouds right??? Well, I'm not. For the millionth time last night, he picked yet another fight with me then blames me for it. I can't take it anymore and crying for an hour straight cannot be healthy for me or my little girl. It seems like he does this on a weekly basis and I no longer know what to do. I count on him to watch our 3 year old 5 days a week while I'm at work and for monetary reasons. I could not do this on my own so I feel completely stuck. I wanted more than anything to have a helathy family but he is turning that dream into a nightmare. I have started to look for goverment/state programs for help but feel so alone. I just don't understand the motives. He is a recovering alcoholic and I sometimes wonder if he's drinking again but I have no hard proof. I ask but of course he would lie anyway. My respect for him is almost at a zero and I'm not sure how much longer I can tolerate such behavior. I feel as though I have made one huge mistake after another. I feel very alone and confused not to mention scared to death. I work my butt off at the office and home and have been more than patient and forgiving with him. Where does it end? Where do I draw the line? Where do I look for help?

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BugRox

Asked by BugRox at 5:31 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Do you have no one else? Mom, dad, Siblings? I'd say the best thing is to get out. Especially if he is drinking again. If you have someone to turn to for help that'd be the best way. Otherwise get Government help ASAP, because they help with child care. Or atleast here in Ca they do.
    firethearson

    Answer by firethearson at 5:36 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • i sent my husband away cause i found out he is up to his old drug ways. he won't be coming back until he gets his crap together and it might be to late. i'm 24 wks prego, about to loose our house, no income, since neither of us works, and he has driven my kids away. let me tell you if i can leave so should u. it will b e hard but it's either accept him or change your living situation. good luck
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:17 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • Although no drugs or alcohol, I know the feeling you describe all too well. Definitely been there, done that. If a man is making you miserable, what's the point to staying? What benefit do you get? If there is no benefit to outweigh the misery, then there is no reason to continue the relationship. Now that's not to say you have to end it permanently. You can separate and tell him it's conditional, and that if this, this, and that changes, and that, that, and this happens, you will come back. Then if he doesn't meet those conditions, you will know he doesn't really care and can then take steps to permanently sever the relationship.

    You have to do what's best for you and your child(ren). I know it can be hard, especially when they can turn around and be nice and you think maybe you overreacted. But you have to think hard and really be as objective as you can to decide what is truly best.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:43 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • get out now save your self & baby & take your 3 year old now u can get wic for your babys congrations on your new baby girl on way u need a friend e-mail me & ill help u find away to get help & home e-mail barbiedeeharris@yahoo.com friends will help u get out now
    sassy21176

    Answer by sassy21176 at 6:59 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • If you look hard you can find someone to help you. I say get out whe you can before you bring another child into it. I didn't get out until almost 3 years after I had my second and it has affected them more than I realized so do it for you and the kids. You do deserve better if he is drinking and picking fights constantly.
    2_amazing_boys

    Answer by 2_amazing_boys at 6:59 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I have been through a very similar situation, I met a man who had recently quit using drugs and soon after we started dating I got pregnant. Things went from bad to worse, he was verbaly abusive during my pregnancy and my life was a nightmare. I was working full time at a very physical job and was more stressed out than I have ever been in my life, if you wonder why i never left him it was because i was scared out of my mind to be alone, i have no family here and very little support from friends. After my daughter was born we were in baby lala land and she seemed to have made our lifes much happier. I went back to work and my body started to shut down on me, i now have 2 herniated discs, 2 forms of arthritis and fibromyalgia. I know its because of my abusive relationship. Leave him now! Make him show you the man and father he needs to be, demand respect and teach him how to treat you. At least you will be free
    TmomT

    Answer by TmomT at 7:17 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

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