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2 Bumps

He says he doesn't have ANY sexual fantasies. Ever. adult content

... And I believe him.

This is my husband. His libido is lower than what I would call normal. He's totally fine with sex 2-4 times per month. I'd be happy with sex 2-4 times per week.

He's a very honest man. He has never lied to me about anything ever before. I've known him 9 years, been together 8 of them, been having sex for 7, married 5. I really think he honestly just doesn't think about sex. Ever. And especially not sexual fantasies.

I think that it's either a symptom or a cause of the low libido... but he's really reluctant to see a doctor about it. To me this says medical problem instead of psychological problem because honestly, who doesn't fantasize EVER?

Do I insist he see a doctor about this or do I do something else? What else should I do? Even sharing my own fantasies doesn't inspire him to come up with his own.



Asked by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Jun. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I definitely think that your husband is suffering from significant lack of testosterone.
    I tend to agree with this answer. My husband was the same way. It can be checked with a simple blood test. My husband's testosterone was extremely low. The doctor put him on a steroid ointment (Androgel) that he rubs on his stomach once a day. There have been no problems since. In fact, our sex life is better now than it was when we were in our 20's! Good luck mama.

    Answer by popzaroo at 8:33 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • what faith did he grow up in? were his parents overly prude? i ask because some people are told from childhood to never think about it so they dont. as far as medical does he have trouble getting going?

    Answer by takes_a_village at 6:27 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • regardless of whether or not he fantasizes (he must, right?) or whether or not he feels comfortable talking to you about it, it's not okay if one partner wants sex 10 times more than the other and isn't getting it. i would push him to see a dr. he should be willing to do something to make things better...

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 6:28 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I definitely think that your husband is suffering from significant lack of testosterone. There are ways of getting that might want to take him to see and endocrinologist who can help in that arena. Aslo, low thyroid could also factor in here..or depression. He might just have dealt with it for so long that he doesn't know what it's like to live without it, should that be the case.
    Usually from what I have heard over the years is that a man's sex drive can often indicate his state of health, so if your man is willing with loving prompting on your part to see a doctor, I would do it asap. It sucks being a women and having more of a desire for sex than your man..women want their man to find them sexy and desire to have sex with them, but it can create resentment on your part if this doesn't change and make you feel undesired. Let him know how this affects you, that you desire him, and want to help him to desire you!

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 6:33 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • believe it or not, some people do not need sex as much as others. period.
    he could have a 'problem', or he could be normal..for him. if he checks out physically, he may just not need it as much as you. either you'll have to take matters into your own hands, or get him to 'give in'. but by all means, don't push him into anything, or make him feel guilty. good grief, that would turn him off even more.
    not saying you turn him off, mind you, but forcing someone to have sex when they really don't want to isn't going to help at all.
    you could seek counseling, together or separate if he doesn't want to go. either way, you need to realize it may not be about you.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:35 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • He was raised loosely Roman Catholic. His parents practiced, but not "religiously", but his grandmother was devout, and his grandparents raised him from 12 on. I've asked him about it and no one ever really brought up sex or told him anything about it except a really embarrassing drunken demonstration by his father and then once or twice being invited to watch a pornographic movie with his dad (after his parents divorced). He's really inhibited about sex anyway, he does NOT like to talk about it, though he is open to doing just about anything... as long as we don't talk about it lol.

    No, he doesn't have problems getting going. He can't climax if we use condoms, but other than that he has no issues with erections.

    He's willing to try to make things better, he just doesn't really WANT to, since he's nto the unhappy one lol. He will go if I insist... I jsut don't want to MAKE him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:36 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • every man different let be unless it bugs u

    Answer by sassy21176 at 6:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • I don't think it's thyroid, his metabolism is fine. I do wonder about testosterone, he has a couple of other symptoms aside from the low libido.

    Dull, I have considered that this may just be his normal, and if that's the case, we will find ways to make it work. I'm not totally unhappy... most of the time. But not ever feeling like a woman, like your husband WANTS you... well, it really gets to me sometimes. I'm trying to figure this out NOW, when I feel pretty happy with my relationship, rather than in another couple weeks when I get really down about it and am too emotional to think rationally about it. I don't force him or coerce him, but I am honest about how ti makes me feel when I get shot down, and when he doesn't initiate sex ever.

    Also, I must say, it's NOT normal to not have sexual fantasies or think about sex. It's just not. Not for anyone.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • maybe he has them but due to his upbringing he does not feel comfy talking about them?

    Answer by takes_a_village at 6:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2011

  • It sounds exactly like my EX husband, except that he was happy with sex once about every three weeks is all, and I definitely wanted it more than that. It sounds like he should go to a doctor to get checked out. Tell him that you really want him to for his health and you could even tell him that you feel it is putting a strain on your relationship, if you feel that it is. It could be any number of things, or it could be just that is all he needs. If you can convince him to get checked out and everything checks out normal, then take the matter into your own hands, so to speak. Get counseling, but you can always put on sexy lingerie, rent an adult movie, or do any number of other things, who knows, it may be just wnat he needs.

    Answer by Tawneekitn at 6:47 PM on Jun. 13, 2011