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My husband really hurt me

He told me he was playing golf yet again. I got upset and told him his first 3 loves is golf. He got mad at me and told me I can't change him. I told him I don't want to change him, but I would like to feel important. He said "I knew it would be a mistake marrying you. I should have stuck with my ex wife, at least I knew what to expect." He has since apologized, vacuumed the house, did the laundry, dishes and fixed the bathroom but my feelings are still hurt. We get along really well and him saying that was like ripping my heart out, you know?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Wow and you have every right to be hurt.I would have told him how much he hurt me and how what he said made me feel.TheN I would have said"Yeah your ex-wife and you worked out so perfectly that you just HAD to get a divorce.
    MOTHERFASHION

    Answer by MOTHERFASHION at 2:04 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • i would be really hurt and him doing that really would not make me feel better......i hope you feel better and things work out
    roxy0522

    Answer by roxy0522 at 1:24 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • ugh men can be such buttheads...he thinks by cleaning the house you will forget but women do not forget.... I am going to say though it is time for a talk about his love for golf and your feelings about it. do you play? do you have an interest at least whacking some balls at the shooting range? try for a happy medium. my husband has this shack he just loves...and goes there all the time and he can't understand why the rest of us hate it there. Men are self centered and I do not mean that to be harsh but really they want what they want and we have to try to find a way to be happy with it or just leave....I hope things get better for you both and can work this all out.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:24 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • What he said was verbally abusive. That being said, I would only be really concerned if you notice a pattern of him doing this, and then I would be like k, time for counseling honey. We all say things we don't mean when we are angry. Does he make a genuine effort to not be cruel and it only happens occasionally or is this an all time thing. Hugs to you mama.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 1:36 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • WOW! How rude and hateful. Does he usually react like this when you are trying to let him know that you feel underappreciated/ unimportant? You both should read this book my DH and I read, it has really helped our marriage. It's called the 5 love languages. Seriously read it. Check it out from the library, buy it. rent it, just read it, and have him read it. I swear it will help ya'll.
    Mrs.Gallegos649

    Answer by Mrs.Gallegos649 at 1:37 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Men! Maybe he was just feeling stressed out playing the game and then having to deal with you being upset made him say something completely off the wall...lol. Just make it very clear that bringing up the ex-wife in that context was very inappropriate and you wont put up that shit!!! Ha ha.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 1:24 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I sure hope that your relationship heals back the way it was, but men can really say hurtful things at times! It seems like he's sorry and trying to make up for it, but it doesn't stop the hurt that u feel! I've been there...done that, so hang in there and God bless u!
    meatums

    Answer by meatums at 1:41 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • That was such an insensitive thing for him to say! But he did make an effort to apologize and not just apologize but to make up for it well by going beyond just saying sorry. It sounds like he truly is sorry. You both shouldn't put off a discussion about your values and how you both want to meet each other's expectations as well as *how* you can both meet them. Some guys are just not good at knowing how to achieve something (like how funny they give the weirdest gifts some times). It's also helpful for u to understand how he thinks he's showing how he values you to you. Tell him, "Well you say that I'm important to you, too, but I want to understand *how* you show that to me." He may respond with things you may never realized or he himself may realize that he's not showing it in the best way. This self-realization is critical to improving the relationship. Open ended questions are great for lots of things!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:44 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Things as hurtful as that are hard to come back from, nothing really makes it better only maybe time, its still something you will never forget, bottom line is you just cant take something like that back. All the cleaning in the world can not make it right, only thing you can hope for now that his apology is sincere and he now has to be patient with you for as long as it takes for you to try to move on from it.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 1:50 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • im sorry That sux

    retent

    Answer by retent at 1:24 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

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