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Question for those who have/had open adoption

What is the point? Seriously.... why did you give your baby up, then expect to see, visit, talk to, and play with your child? It comes off like you want someone else to raise and pay for your child, but you want all the fun stuff that goes along with having a baby. To me, thats not the point. The point is to give your child what you think is a better life, and improve your own. If you want to be so involved in the child's life, why not keep it? And doesn't the child get confused when he/she grows up, and wants to know why you could visit and play, but not take them home?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Dec. 11, 2008 in Adoption

Answers (28)
  • We are waiting for our little one to be born. She's due in February and her first mom wants an open adoption - we do too. Our daughter's mother is a good person. She loves her baby. She's made the very unselfish decision to allow us the beautiful opportunity to raise her daughter. I don't see how on earth a child would be confused with an open adoption...it would be the opposite. She will feel the love from both sides and be blessed because of it. We have no problem keeping this adoption as open as the first mom feels comfortable with. We want her to share in this little girl's life. It isn't her fault she is struggling. It isn't lack of love that made her decide that adoption was the best option. We're happy with the situation and feel it will be best for this little girl that we all love so much.
    Jill42721

    Answer by Jill42721 at 6:18 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Yes, some kids do get confused and get upset at visits. Everyones so concerned about mom. Mom this , mom that. What about the child? You mean we should FORCE a child to see the person who gave birth to them when it upsets them just because they share the same genes?

    I think not. My job is to protect my child. yes, mine. You gave away your rights,remember? the child is no longer yours. Just giving birth does not make you a mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Dictionary: mother


    1. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
    2. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
    3. A woman who adopts a child.
    4. A woman who raises a child.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 7:26 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • They don't just share the same genes they grew in that woman's uterus for nine months (give or take). According to the dictionary that makes someone a mother.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 7:27 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • i think open adoption is wonderful im adopted and had a closed adoption but sometime i think i would have been happier knowing my bio family growing up and open or closed adoption is great and its confusing either way as well
    hedtrippe

    Answer by hedtrippe at 8:16 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Women don't give their babies up for adoption because they don't want to raise them, they do it because at that time in their lives they are unable to raise them. Many pregnant women only agree to adoption because they are promised that they can see their child growing up and thriving and want their children to know that they still love them. I know I wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise.


    If the child is in an open adoption and want to know why she "couldn't take him home" then he is in a perfect position to ask the only person who can answer that question; his birth mom.


    Prospective adoptive mom's don't have to agree to open adoption. No one forces them into it. If they only want a closed adoption then they can find a prospective birth mom who also wants a closed adoption.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • But, I agree with you on one hand. If an expectant mom "expects" to see, visit, talk to, and play with her child, she should not give her baby up for adoption because open adoptions are not legally enforceable in any state and the adoptive parents can, and often do, close the adoption at will. In fact I'd go as far to say DON'T GIVE YOUR BABY UP FOR ADOPTION!

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:56 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • I agree with onethentwins mama keep YOUR baby...there are so many programs to help single mothers!!!
    Kidsmamabear

    Answer by Kidsmamabear at 9:53 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • Annon did you drink your hater-ade today. You sound very bitter about open adoptions. I am a birth mom. I have an open adoption. I did so not because I wanted the" fun" of having a kid but have someone else do the work. I did so because it was the best for HER at the time. She knows about the adoption, she isn't confused. She has two moms, I carried her and her Mom raises her.  I have the privilage of vists and letters that I don't abuse or take for granted. 


    I don't understand your bitterness Annon. Are you the aparent? do you feel the bmom is trying to be too close? If so I have some suggestions (positive ones).

    chrissmom734

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 10:37 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

  • The point of open adoption is not supposed to be about the mother or the adoptive parents. It is supposed to be about the child. They will not grow up confused about who their parents are, they will not reject the adoptive parents and love their mother more.....they grow up knowing where they came from, having lots of extra family that loves them, a full lineage of medical history. Why should they be forced to wait until adulthood to have that just because someone like YOU has a problem with it. Open adoption isn't about the mother playing second mommy to the child.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:00 PM on Dec. 11, 2008

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