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I need to get over myself....

Actually, I need to get over my own insecurities. My husband is a flirt, I've always known that. He flirts with everyone, even when I am there. Sometimes it bugs me, sometimes it doesn't. We split up last year for about 6 mos until he realized he "did love me and didn't know what he would do without me but I have to stop being so controlling all the time". His words. And I agree about the controlling part. Sometimes I can't help it. I got out of an 8 yr abusive relationship a year or so before I met him and I just have this NEED to be in control of every aspect of my life. But I have calmed way down with that. Anyways, I still worry alot that he is going to leave me because he flirts all the time or because he will find someone better looking (and flirting or other women had nothing to do with why we split before). Like I said, I just need to get over myself, right?

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Kari727

Asked by Kari727 at 9:28 AM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,741 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • What you need is counseling to discover and deal with the sources of your insecurities.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:29 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • you have a lot on your plate, your past, your jealousy and insecurities which i agree need to be dealt with in counceling but all else that is here that you described, like your husband telling you that you need to get ahold of yourself so that he can do some on the side flirting, is just wrong! little stuff like looking is normal but to talk it up with some strange hot redhead because he needs to get flirting out of his system is just wrong.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:35 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I know where my issues come from-my abusive ex controlled every aspect of my life (money, clothes, food, friends, family), lied and cheated on me repeatedly. I think I should clarify; my husband doesn't flirt on purpose, its just who he is. Its the harmless kind of flirting. His issues with me being controlling are because my need to control every little thing affects him too (No you can't do this, that etc even if it was going to the market alone), that's all on me. I know what and where my problem is, so thats why I said I should just get over myself. LOL
    Kari727

    Comment by Kari727 (original poster) at 9:40 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • ohhhh ok lol well in that case i think in every relationship there should be trust and i think thats what he's looking for. He may be testing you at times too but i really think that you have nothing to worry about but it all has to do with trust, this is a new man in your life and you shouldnt relive your past or your past will catch up with you and you dont want that to happen
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:48 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I have been in your shoes, but honestly my insecurities came from the way my husband was acting. I was never in my life an insecure person until I had married my husband and began realizing what a flirt my husband was on top of some other things my husband does (which I will not get into right now because you will think I am crazy for staying with him) I suggest counseling. It has helped me out a ton and I have come to realize that what my husband does is actually very disrespectful and is not right. Even the flirting. When my husband gets back from deployment he has agreed to join me in counseling so that we can fix these issues. It may help your situation also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • NO, you DO NOT need to get over yourself! I dealt with the same thing, my husband WAS a shameless flirt....its just "who he is" he would flirt with ANYONE and EVERYONE right infront of me, and I tried to "get over myself" and not be the jealous girlfriend/wife but it was at the expense of my self esteem. I never really dealt with it, until now, I never realized how low my self esteem was until I got it back, and he has changed so much, and now realizes how him flirting even if he isnt serious sends the wrong message and hurts me and he is very regrettful about it and apologizes all the time, but Im still PISSED. I dont care if that is how your husband is, he is now a married man, and needs to cut that crap out.
    Auntiemom410

    Answer by Auntiemom410 at 9:49 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Lol Since my son was born I've had a few control issues myself! In my head I just think "no one can do it better then me" and "no one can take him away from me".

    But anyways, the first step is admittng you have a problem ;) haha. If you know the issue is there you can work on it. And your hubby....well if he's being too friendly for your taste he should be respectful and work on that issue too. I have an ex that was super friendly and he said he "didn't know he was flirting". Personally, I think it was an excuse to flirt.
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I am a big flirt. I have a tendency to flirt with everyone and not actually know that I'm doing it. I thought I was just being friendly but my husband says I'm a flirt. I apparently flirt with guys in front of him but he knows that is just my personality and it's not like I'm interested in anyone else. I call it friendly but whatever. Anyway I wouldn't worry about him cheating on you maybe thats just who he is.
    Eisleysmommy27

    Answer by Eisleysmommy27 at 10:43 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • It sounds to me that you both want to make this relationship work, and you both admit you have problems/ things to work at. Wow! Good for you both! It's so hard for alot of couples to get that far! I think this environment is ripe for counseling. Bring in a third party to direct you both towards your goals and keep the lines of communication open. I think you've really got a shot at making this work!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:21 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

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