My grandmother died Friday night and Sunday we had the visitation and Monday, the funeral. At the visitation my daughter, apparently heard me talking about going to see grandma (her great-grandmother), so, when we walk in the door of the funeral home, my daughter runs to my mother and says "Nanna, where's grandma?" My mother gave me a tense look while my daughter looked around and saw her in the coffin and said "There she is! Shhh! She's sleeping." When everyone arrived and we were all talking, or when the kids were running around, she kept fussing at everyone, saying "Shhhh! Grandma's trying to sleep." That night she woke up crying and I went in to check on her and she kept saying that grandma was sleeping and wouldn't didn't wake up and it really upset her and then when she woke up that morning and we went to the funeral, she was crying, wanting to go to grandma's house and to see grandma. She didn't want to see her at that place. I tried telling her that grandma was in heaven.
"Why is she in heaven? I want her to be here?"
"Because she had a very long and full life and now she's ready for a rest."
"Why can't she just take a nap?"
"Because she's in heaven and she's with Jesus and with her family that she hasn't gotten to see in a long time."
"But what about her family here. We love her and we haven't gotten to see her in a while either." I just keep remembering when I was four and my father and I didn't really understand it until I was in the fifth grade and my school had a father-daughter dance at school and that was the first time I realized that something I was missing.
She's the youngest of the grandchildren and they all seem to understand, at least vaguely. My poor Alice is convinced that if someone goes to sleep then they'll never wake up. She has been sleeping in my bed since the visitation. How do I explain to her that, if I go to sleep, then I will wake up? She was very close to my grandmother and I need some help.
Answer by daps at 10:18 AM on Jun. 14, 2011
It is her way of figuring it all out. Death and not seeing someone is just not something that little kids can wrap their heads around very easy. Just keep hugging her and kissing her and let her have a bit of time to sleep with you. She will come to understand that losing one family member does not mean you lose them all and she will be fine. She just needs her time to figure this all out.
Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:23 AM on Jun. 14, 2011
Answer by attap5 at 10:53 AM on Jun. 14, 2011
Answer by adnilm at 2:56 PM on Jun. 14, 2011
Answer by NightOwlMama at 1:27 AM on Jun. 15, 2011