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2 Bumps

Prospective Adoptive Parents

I have been planning on placing my child for adoption since the begining of my pregnancy. I found a family that said they wanted to adopt the baby. I have gotten everything on my end figured out. Talked to an attorney about cost and all this. It took them a little bit to decide to adopt because it'sbeen just the two of them for so many years. She's unable to have children. They say they want to adopt the baby, but they aren't getting anything figured out on their end. They don't know for sure how they will pay for the attorney or the homestudy. And they still haven't done the homestudy, and those can take a while. 

Wouldn't you think they'd be more on the ball getting this figured out? It seems to me like they wanted this for so long but now that it's real and they can have it they don't really want to. Like they are scared or something, or thought they still wanted this but don't really anymore. I already told them before if they didn't want to to go through with it after finding out the cost and everything it was okay I'd have no hard feelings.

What do you guys think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • i have a few friends who have adopted and have placed a child myself and i can tell you that it is very important to have parents who are aware of the laws the homestudy is done and they understand the costs. if the cost of adopting is 2 high how do they plan to pay for the baby and its expenses?
    takes_a_village

    Answer by takes_a_village at 10:45 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • A child is a gift from God! I would think they would have everything set legally. What r u going to do if they decide not to adopt your baby? U can message me,we will talk just u and me.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 10:45 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I honestly do not know what to think, not knowing them. When I found out my baby was coming to live with me, I could not take care of business fast enough. Some people get stuck in fear and have a hard time moving things along. We were working through the county so money was not so much an issue. Perhaps it is for them. It is really time for a heart to heart with them so you know where you and your baby stand. That way you can decide your next step. I know this is a hard confusing time, if you need a shoulder or a laugh, I and other moms on CM are here for you.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:51 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Not knowing the complete history, it's possible they've been burned before. But, if you're having any doubts-- look for another family. It's important that you have no regrets about the family that is going to love and raise this baby.
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 10:54 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • If you would ever like to talk with an adoptive mom about adoption who DOES NOT want to adopt your baby, feel free to send me a message. I would be more than happy to talk to you. I have adopted 4 babies, 3 of them without an agency (we did them privately- like what you are talking about). There are many things to consider here. I would suggest not getting your hopes up for this particular family to adopt your baby. But, you do have a lot to think about, a lot of options that you can consider. How far along are you in your pregnancy? I don't know you or your situation, so I couldn't really give you much advice based on what you have said so far. But you sound like a responsible person. Good luck with things and again, feel free to message me. I don't judge at all and I promise that I am not going to try to adopt your baby....just help if I can with finding answers and resources that you could use.
    hollyanne31

    Answer by hollyanne31 at 11:02 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I'm an AM so I've been through the process. Adoption takes a lot of planning from a PAP's end. There are several things that need to take place in order for a PAP to adopt. Usually it does take time but the timeline can vary. Sometimes you can expedite things if you have to. Most PAP's start the homestudy/attorney process knowing they want to adopt. Your case seems different because they weren't actively pursuing adoption when you approached them. Not sure why your PAP's are dragging their feet, so to speak. Maybe they're unsure or maybe they're intimidated by the idea of becoming parents. It's a big decision for both sides...and yes there are a lot of attorney/homestudy expenses that will need to be paid, so a PAP will need to have the resources to pay for the required services. Good Luck!!

    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 11:08 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • Personally, I think you should look for another adoptive family. One of the things that I hear most from mother's who gave their children for adoption is that they wanted to make sure that they had a good home. You don't want to look back years later and wonder if you did the right thing because they are wishy washy. Setting up your adoption like this isn't that costly, it's only through the agencies that it becomes out of a lot of people's budgets. That's why I never adopted. If I found a mother that didn't need to go through an agency I would do it in a heartbeat. Good luck to you!
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 11:19 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I am an adoptive mom....

    Follow your gut!

    I was so prepared for our baby.....if you feel somehting in not right....then listen to that feeling...

    There are plenty of other woman and men that would be willing and wanting and ready for you and your baby..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:00 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I am also an AP, and I have everything that I can taken care of on my end of things. I just want to be as prepared as possible so that added stress is already taken care of. That way I can concentrate on what the emom wants or needs to have done for her. Homestudies can take a while to get finished (took our SW almost 3 months for the initial homestudy) or updated (30 days) so that is one thing they really should be jumping all over to get done.

    It does sound like they are dragging their feet way more than normal for AP's. Maybe you should come up with a possible plan "B" (alternate adoptive family) if they do not get a move on it. I think that this is not positive stress for you. Sending support and ((hugs)) to you.
    adoptionjen

    Answer by adoptionjen at 1:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I have never heard of a problem like that, the biggest complaint is usuallythat AP's are over zealous. You have the rarest of treasures and the Aparents should be treated it like the miracle it is
    2ndtimewish

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 2:45 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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