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Child molestation survivors who are now Mothers, how to deal? adult content

I was molested as a child, I remember later on at 9 again being molested, but by a girl.
I was adopted into my family and I also remember at the age of 14 being asked by my Mom if my brother (family I was adopted into) if he ever "touched me", when I said "No, he didn't" my mom said "It's okay, you can tell me", although I don't remember him specifically doing it, obviously I had it happen to me before. Well, as a result of that, I would get "weird" around my brother and adopted Dad, whenever they would hug me I remember thinking as a teenager "What is somoene thinks they're molesting me?" Idk if it was just a result of being molested as a child or if it was because my mom put the idea in my head later on. Now, I am a Mother of my own baby, he is a beautiful child, 1 yr old and I already don't want to bathe him because I don't want him or anyone thinking anything like that. No, I've never touched my son unappropriatly, but I don't know how to feel comfortable in things like that since everything to me as a child before I was adopted was taken to molestation..baths, changing "lets play Mommy and Daddy house" etc.. My husband has tried to help me and I love everything about being a Mom, I just don't want my scars to affect my child. Are there any tips out there, other than those who find me crazy? I did take therapy, but am wondering if I need more in this chapter of my life (Motherhood)


Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Jun. 14, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I'm with you girl. I'm going to suggest a group called Celebrate Recovery. Although it is faith based, if you are not religious, you can opt out on that part. It doesn't cost anything and there is a lot of healing that you can do for yourself. I faced my abuser almost 2 years ago. I didn't talk to him about it, but sat right across from him at a picnic and had a conversation with him. I went back to my childhood home where it all began, where I lost my childhood and reclaimed it. I felt so exhilarated after that. It was amazing. Although all of the feelings will never go away, some of the weird things, like certain facial features and expressions and stuff that give you the creeps with go away after you start to heal yourself. Good luck to you.

    Answer by attap5 at 11:32 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I think it is admirable of you to recognize you may need some additional therapy.  I do think it will help.  God Bless you mama!!


    Answer by Dahis at 11:10 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I was also molested as a child and I feel the same exact way as you do! I get uncomfortable is I have to put cream on their diaper area or giving them a bath. You are NOT crazy and this is very normal. If it is affecting your everyday life go see a counselor. But no one will think you are doing anything innappropriate because you are not! I'm sure you are a great mother and you owe it to yourself to deal with this issue so you can move on and enjoy being a mother 100%. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I was...I'm VERY cautious when it comes to my DD and being around people. Like that is usually my first thought...could/would this person do anything? It's an awful way to think and be,but I don;t put my worries on her. I have taught her about stranger danger and that NO one is to look at or touch her privates unless it is the Dr. and I am there...she is old enough to wash herself and wipe herself.


    Answer by happymama02 at 11:13 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I had more trouble with it affecting my relationship with my husband than with my children. I don't think my children were at all affected and it never entered my mind that they would be. I know we are all different and if this is of real concern to you, it might help you to talk to someone else about it. I had a real problem finding doctors, therapists, or counsellors who had a real understanding of what I was going through. It took me years to find the right person, and now I thank God that I am finally free from all the damage that was done to me. I pray you find the same freedom!

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:16 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I think that therapy will definitely help you to sort out any residual feelings from the abuse you may have. I have been seeing a therapist, and it's nice just having someone listen who isn't emotionally involved, and therefore can take a step back and understand any negative thought patterns or ways of coping that are a trouble spot, usually triggered from the abuse. A lot of sex abuse survivors have some degree of PTSD and tend to respond to events in their lives in a stressful manner because the sex abuse put their stress hormones on hyperdrive...It was really sad, but after being molested by my father's father(my grandfather), when I was younger, my father wouldn't want to show affection anymore because it made Him feel uncomfortable, and he didn't want me getting mixed emotions about that. I missed alot in those terms, and haven't been hugged by either of my parents in years. It makes me very sad..

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I worry about the same thing too not really that others will think I'm doing something,but like in my own mind if that makes any sense...just because everyone says most child molesters were molested themselves..that's always in my head. Don't get me wrong the thought has NEVER crossed my mind ,but I get uncomfortable around them when I have to bathe them..which is why they learned to do it themselves at a young age.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Jun. 14, 2011

  • I believe more therapy at this point will be helpful for you. I was molested as a child, first around my toddler years and between the ages of 8 and 10 I was repeatedly molested and raped by a few neighborhood boys and too afraid to say no or to tell anyone. I sometimes think I must be a weirdo because I've never been to therapy and I have no hang ups - meaning I've never felt uncomfortable around men, in fact most of my very close friends are men and I'm not shy when it comes to sex, I'm not a nympho like some childhood molestation/rape survivors become, I have no fetishes, and I've never had the same concerns you have with your child. So I'm sorry I can not advise you from personal experience but from knowing other people, men and women, who were molested as children therapy can help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Jun. 14, 2011

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